7th Heaven
An Early Fall

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RevCam and Carlos talk roundaboutedly about the importance of family. Carlos is doofy, but kind of charming. Seeing as everyone else on this show has all the charm of a dying fish, he really sticks out.

Simon and Mary finally come home. Because Happy is the only mammal left in this family who loves Mary, she comes up and says hello. She follows Mary and Simon, the only two people who ever paid any attention to her, into the living room. RevCam jumps up and gives Simon a manly hug as Mary and Carlos eye each other. RevCam close-talks to Simon that they need to talk after Eric talks to Annie. Then he walks up to Mary, hugs her, and says that they've missed her. Eric introduces Carlos to Mary and Simon as Annie runs in and hugs the daughter she constantly disparages and criticizes behind her back. Annie greets Simon and tells him not to run away anymore. RevCam points Carlos out to Annie, who also instantly remembers him from Christmas when Mary brought him home. Hey, do you think that Carlos was the guy who Mary brought home on Christmas once? Because I wasn't sure. The rest of the family and their assorted hangers-on pile in and hug Mary and Simon. Then Mary stands next to Carlos and says that they actually ran into each other in New York, when Carlos was "at the airport, picking up his brother." That's right -- another successful couple brought together by the airport, the land of romance. I don't know if it's those always-dirty bathrooms or that finicky metal detector, but there's just something about the airport that makes people fall in love.

The CamRents nod and smile vacuously as Carlos goes on explain he and Mary started seeing each other. Annie says it's great that they're dating, and that they can talk about it over dinner. Mary says that they were dating. Aw, breaking up is tough, RevCam says, but it happens. Roxanne and Chandler eye each other as the camera rack-focuses for maximum impact. Carlos says that he's been trying to talk to them for a several months, but Mary adds that she was scared and wanted to change her mind, but now she doesn't. "You're engaged?" Annie says. Silence. "You're engaged?" RevCam says. Happy growls disapprovingly. "They're engaged!" Annie says, then walks up to hug and congratulate her daughter. At this point, even the twins know something is up, and they're possibly retarded four-year-olds. Annie finishes the hugs, then walks back to her mark next to RevCam. Mary pathetically begs her parents not to hate her. RevCam says they could never hate her, even if she drank a full beer. They love her, no matter what. Sure. RevCam says it's time to eat, at which point Mary decides that she can do better than a recycled Matt storyline and announces that she and Carlos have been married since April. The shot of the twins looking at each other is replayed as the rest of the family smirks like the assholes they truly are. Mary stammers that she was going to have the marriage annulled because she was afraid to tell her parents. You know, if you're not mature enough to tell your parents that you're married, then you're probably not mature enough to be married. Carlos is both surprised and angry that Mary wanted to have the marriage annulled, and says so. Then he asks for a few minutes alone with his wife. The kids leave. The parents stay. Mary begs them not to leave. Carlos says that he has some things to say to her that he "can't say in front of [Mary's] parents." Mary says that that is why she doesn't want them to leave. Carlos basically says that this is none of their business. RevCam, the strong patriarch, walks his grimacing wife out of the room.

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7th Heaven

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