7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
1337 USERS: C+
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With dark circles under his eyes that show us what a toll being on this show for ten years has taken on him, RevCam starts doing the vows part of the ceremony. When Simon gets to the part about death parting him and his new wife, he starts reconsidering his options. "Death?" he says. "Yeah," RevCam answers, looking like he knows all too well what a promise that is, as Annie has proven to be amazingly hearty so he'll be spending is remaining miserable years with her. "'Til death do us part -- I don't think so!" Simon whispers to Rose, who just tells him that people are waiting, like the audience's comfort and patience is of the utmost concern right now. Rose says that if Simon tries to leave her before one of them dies, she'll kill him herself. "I can't do this. I'm sorry," Simon says as the Violins of Wedding Disaster start up.

Back in "reality," Annie says that she could see Rose backing out before she could see Simon doing it. But she's sure that Rose will do that right thing, too. And now we enter Annie's fantasy.

I don't know about you guys, but I was sort of hoping that our glimpse into the deranged mind of Annie Camden would have, like, evil demons telling her to drown her children and fire all over the place and stuff like that. But no, it's just doofy old RevCam asking the crowd if anyone has any reason why Rose and Simon should not be wed. Rose hands off her bouquet to Simon, lifts up her veil, and announces to the crowd that there's no need for anyone to say anything, because she has decided that she can't marry Simon. She's really sorry, though, and nonsensically tells the crowd that she hopes that "this is the most embarrassing moment you'll ever share with me." It would be awesome if she, like, farted really loud right then so that we'd all know for sure that this was, in fact, the most embarrassing moment ever. And then maybe her tampon could fall out as her crush ran by so she could get the Nightmare of the Month award in YM. Rose nobly says that she's too young to be married, and also understands why her parents got divorced and stuff, like anyone at the wedding would care about that. If I was at a wedding where the bride cancelled it and then started going into her life story, I'd start throwing stuff at her. Simon says he forgives Rose and understands how she feels. In fact, he should have been the one to call it off. "God bless you both for doing the right thing," RevCam says, "and now, let's all celebrate life!" Dork.

7th Heaven

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