Carlos's phone rings, and he walks off to take the call. It's Mary, and she's hugely pregnant. She's been back with Carlos and pregnant all this time and didn't even tell her own parents until her husband let it slip so we could have a future Camden Twin Set Trifecta. She says she has a feeling Carlos spoiled her surprise, and he says he "had to." Mary does not react like a lunatic at hearing the news that her siblings are all pregnant with twins as well, because she's normal and stuff now. She just asks if Carlos told everyone about their other surprise -- she's graduating college this weekend! Wow, she finished college in like, a year, while getting divorced and being pregnant and having a fulltime job? Amazing. ["I hate this goddamn show." -- Sars]

We cut to a very unfortunate-looking woman who is serving as the evening's entertainment. She'll be singing, too. The first song is for the bride and groom, so Simon and Rose take to the dance floor of the Camdens' backyard. Way to go all out and build a wedding set there, guys. Oh! I see a black guy serving as one of the caterers in the background -- is that Capt. Michaels? The Fat Lady (no, really -- that's WHAT SHE IS CREDITED AS) sings "Embraceable You" and Simon dances with Rose for three seconds before Rose's father cuts in to dance with his daughter. Rose's mother steps up to Simon and tells him that she doesn't know when or if she'll ever see him again, but she wants him to know that she loves him. And with that, they hug for just a little bit too long. Now Rose's mother can be pregnant with twins, too!

Umberto, who only looks like he's pregnant with twins, cuts in and dances with Rose. Annie and RevCam watch, Annie with her mouth hanging open. Simon shrugs and says that Umberto and Rose love each other and he thinks they'll get married. So…uh…I guess that means Simon and Rose didn't get married? And are still friends? And he's fine with some other guy being with his almost-wife? Okay. Great. Whatever.