Simon and Kevin are also heading towards the door, with Simon still telling Kevin how excited he is for him and Rose to have their own house and kitchen, all the better for Rose to be barefoot and pregnant in. He opens the door to reveal Heather, who hasn't gotten any less deaf since the last time she was on. She introduces herself as "Matt's friend, Heather," even though she presumably knows all of these people. Maybe she's blind now, too. She has a wedding gift for Simon, who is way too excited to see her. More excited than anyone has ever been to see Heather, I'd guess. They hug awkwardly, and Simon introduces Heather to Kevin, who is considerably less excited to meet her, as Lucy comes rushing out to greet her. Heather tells her that Matt and PC told her she could find Simon there, and I'm sorry we didn't get to see the awesomely awkward conversation that must have been, what with Matt almost cheating on PC with her. Lucy invites Heather in, but she wisely declines and says she just wants to drop off her gift and take off. Simon apologizes for not inviting Heather to his wedding, seeing as she's one of the only recurring characters who could be bothered to make it to this series finale, but even Heather isn't that pathetic and says no. "I'm not very good at weddings," she explains. You know, because she's all divorced and stuff. She's probably not even allowed in the church anymore for that. Hell, I'm surprised she's allowed to still live in Glenoak.
She hands Simon something she "kept all these years" -- a framed photo of Simon and Happy. Uh, Heather why do you have that? And your explanation that the story Matt told her of how Simon "got Happy" (hee hee ) doesn't fit. Of course, this sends Simon flashing back to the day he got Happy, with Matt running over to check out the new dog and Ruthie bragging that she named Happy. Season One Ruthie is more articulate and a better actress than Season Ten Ruthie and SamVid combined. No less annoying, though. Matt sends Ruthie away and tells Simon that, based on his keen dog-feeling-up powers, he knows that Happy is pregnant. When Simon returns from his flashback, Heather says she has a lot more Camden stories and probably a house full of framed screen shots to go with them. "I really love being around this family," she says. It would be so cool if the series ended with Heather murdering them all, signing "if I can't have them, NO ONE CAN!" in between ax chops. I don't think it will, though. ["Well, it would be cool if the series ended, period, but here we are." -- Sars] Lucy and Heather tell Kevin all about the time when Matt interrupted one of Heather's many weddings and they went off together and almost got married themselves, which does not warrant a flashback, which is just fine with me. "It was very dramatic," Lucy assures us. Lucy, I was there. And it really, really wasn't. Hell, the Jon Secada video that remade that scene in The Graduate was more compelling than that episode.