7th Heaven
And Thank You

Episode Report Card
And Thank You

SamVid come downstairs dressed for the wedding and wearing Snidely Whiplash moustaches on their faces that Ruthie apparently drew on them last week. Of course, it's too early for them to be wearing their wedding outfits, but since they haven't gotten smarter than the last time I watched this show, at which point they weren't any smarter than the day they came out of Annie's tired old womb, this shouldn't surprise you. I don't think they've gotten a haircut since then, either. Poor, neglected children. They tell Annie that they can't get their moustaches off, speaking in that most annoying manner where they finish each other's sentences. They still speak like three-year-olds, too. Enjoy this last moment in front of the cameras, Brinos, for I doubt you'll ever experience it again. Annie starts to make an angry face that the twins will ruin Simon's wedding, but that quickly changes to bafflement as she wonders how her twins could have so many mental problems this whole time without her noticing.

Meanwhile, a slightly younger, but no less puffy, Oliver Platt look-alike is telling that Rose girl that if she has any doubts about marrying Simon when she's at the altar, she should send him a signal and he'll jump up and rescue her and they'll live happily ever after. His name is "Umberto," by the way. Honestly, if they're going to cast someone who can't act for shit, couldn't they at least make him attractive? Is it really that hard to do? Rose laughs that she won't be doing that, and she sure knows how to let a guy down easy, doesn't she? Umberto tells her to whistle, and she physically pushes him out of her room so she can get ready for her wedding. She says she'll see him at the church, and what a great idea it is to invite someone who's in love with you to your wedding to someone else. He kisses her lips and then her hand and leaves Rose looking all surprised, even though she totally responded to that kiss on her lips. After he's gone, Rose practices her whistle. Suspense!

Over at Lucy and Kevin's house, Simon is marching around in front of Kevin and talking about how awesome it will be to be married because he'll be able to go to restaurants and say he has reservations for Rose and Simon Camden. Simon -- you can actually tell the restaurant whatever you want. They don't check your IDs. I used to reserve a table for Moesha every time I went out just to hear them announce it. You don't actually need to get married for this. He says being married will give him an identity, which is something I guess you think you lack and can find in someone else when you've been raised by two parents who can't show you different. "It's like bungee jumping, where I feel like I'm jumping to my death, but I'm actually jumping to my life," Simon says. "You guys didn't write your own vows, did you?" Kevin asks. He never got any better at acting, but that's okay as long as he can be there to occasionally point out how much this family sucks.

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7th Heaven




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