7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | 2 USERS: F
I Dream of Weenie

We open on the Glenoak Community Church. Chandler and RevCam are having a lover's quarrel; apparently, RevCam is trying to "push adoption" on Chandler, who says that he isn't even thinking about dating right now, so he's certainly not thinking about kids. RevCam says never mind, and starts packing up to leave. "You going home already?" Chandler asks. "Yeah, well, I've already been at work for two seconds, and that's two seconds too many!" RevCam says. Chandler asks if he's still worried about Annie. RevCam says not anymore, and that "it took [him] a while, but [he] get[s] it." Well, that's cool. It's taken me eight years, and I still don't get Annie. My worry, however, has long since turned into begrudging acceptance. RevCam spouts the little gem of wisdom that "different people react to death in different ways." It's taken him twenty-plus years of ministerial service to figure out what it took me about five years of actual life to. Brilliant. Anyway, Annie's way of reacting to her father's death is "very different." Chandler says Annie is just so "happy." She's happy that her father died. This show's take on family values never ceases to amaze me, especially since Annie wasn't quite this happy when her mother died, was she? I guess it's only sad when mothers die. Anyway, RevCam invites Chandler over for dinner; Chandler begs off, saying he'll just pick up a pizza or seven. Then he gets lost in a pizza-related reverie so intense that he is able to resist RevCam's numerous attempts to strong-arm him into eating at the CamPound. Chandler doesn't even blink when RevCam says he knows how tough Chandler's break-up with "Paris and Peter" has been, but I do. "Paris and Peter"? Ewwww. Chandler again refuses to have dinner at the CamPound, saying that he doesn't around to be around "all that happy." Happy's sharp ears overhear this, and she goes into a deep depression until she remembers that, hell, she doesn't exactly want to be around Chandler either. Chandler says he's not happy, and he doesn't even know what happy means. RevCam leaves.

All manner of horrible sounds are coming from the CamKitchen. Annie and the twins run in, singing about the "rhythm of life" and skipping all around the island. Apparently, it has a powerful beat, although you wouldn't know it, considering that no one in this scene seems to be able to keep it. Or the "key of life," either. Then they hold hands in a circle and spin around for a bit, Annie doing some more bellow-singing about the "rhythm in the bedroom." The song ends, and SamVid request an encore. "OKAY!" screams Annie, in a terrifying close-up. They start up again, and suddenly additional singers and a back-up band get piped in. The singers sound kind of like the Wizard of Oz munchkins. Creepy! Never before have I been so happy to hear the theme song.

Today's Opening Credits Timewaster takes place in the Treehouse of Lurv. Lucy carefully sets the table and sits down to eat pizza with Kevin. She then attacks her pizza with her fork, shredding it apart and removing all the toppings, making horrid facial expressions as she does so. The subsequent sickening close-ups of the pizza being mauled and Lucy's nostrils flaring are no match in nastiness, however, for the revelation that this episode was written by Brenda Hampton. I might as well curl up in a fetal position on the floor of my shower now and get it over with.

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7th Heaven




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