7th Heaven
Anything You Want (Pilot)

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Anything You Want (Pilot)

Simon wants a dog, in case you hadn't figured that out already. He tries to convince Annie to get him one, but she won't.

Mary is wandering around with a basketball while Dopey takes a few puffs off a cigarette. At the time of this episode, of course, Barry Watson was well over the legal age to buy cigarettes in all four states of the union that the Camdens recognize, but I can't say much for his smoking technique. I'm also not too impressed by his suggestion that a blast of Binaca will keep the CamRents from guessing that he's been lighting up. Some of the smoke scent is bound to cling to his lustrous mane of rocker hair. He guesses that Mary wants to talk to him about "a guy." He's close, since Mary says she doesn't have a specific guy in mind, but she does want to talk about kissing. She claims that if she could just kiss a guy, she'd be able to stop thinking about it and would be better able to concentrate on her basketball game. That's an interesting rationalization. Her big problem is that she's taller than all the guys in her class, and she thinks it's weird to kiss a guy shorter than her. Speaking as someone who's fairly tall and has long had a thing for shorter guys, I just have to roll my eyes and tell her to get over herself. As far as the mechanics of kissing go, Mary says, "I don't know where my hands go, or his hands or my face or his face or his lips and my lips, and I don't want it to be awkward." Whew! It couldn't get much more awkward than that sentence -- or this scene, for that matter. Actually, I was wrong. This scene is about to get way more awkward. That would be because Mary is asking her brother to kiss her so she will have some experience. That's right -- she wants to make out with Dopey. And he's her brother. And she wants to make out with him. Dopey's a little taken aback. I mean, wouldn't you be? What's Mary going to do when it comes time for her to learn about sex? Matt should just get a magic marker and draw a face on her basketball and tell her to make out with that.

Back in the CamPound, Annie is blithely informing Eric that her parents are "dropping by." RevCam looks a little perplexed as he questions, "Dropping by? From Arizona?" Hey, at least back in the early episodes, someone recognized that average people don't just buy last-minute tickets and hop on a plane. I'm sorry, they don't. Annie leaves, and RevCam has an exceedingly dull conversation with Simon about why he can't have a dog. It turns out Simon has killed off a whole whack of pets over the past six months, including an ant farm, a couple of goldfish, and some Sea Monkeys. I know back in the fifties you could order a regular monkey or a burro as a "pet" from the back of a magazine. Revolting but true. But in this day and age, does anyone even sell Sea Monkeys anymore? ["Why, yes they do." -- Sars] Simon asks his father what would happen if a homeless dog just wandered into their yard. He argues that taking that dog in would give it a better chance than surviving on the streets. I think that's debatable, but RevCam agrees anyway, adding that Simon is not allowed to go looking for a dog or to "trick" one into coming to the yard. He didn't say anything about prayer, though, and after he leaves, Simon prays for God to send a dog into the yard. Evincing great confidence in the Lord's powers, he says, "I know that You can do this." After flattery like that, how can God refuse?

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7th Heaven

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