7th Heaven
Anything You Want (Pilot)

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Anything You Want (Pilot)

Over at Incest Fest '96, Mary is still trying to get Dopey to give her a kissing lesson. Okay, but shouldn't they be doing this on the living room couch? And maybe Lucy and Simon can make out on another couch? And maybe the rest of the family can watch them? If they're gonna do this, they should at least do it in proper Camden fashion. At least now Mary's claiming that she's not really going to kiss her brother; she just wants him to show her things like whether she's supposed to touch her victim's face while kissing. Dopey says that it's the man who should touch her face, but he's not a hundred percent sure about that. Hmm, maybe his patriarchal attitude isn't as highly developed as I'd thought. Mary tells Dopey to stand still while she closes her eyes and puckers up. We never get to see where this leads, thank God, since RevCam walks by and breaks the mood. Dopey tries to tell him that "this isn't what it looks like." RevCam replies, "That's a relief," but he doesn't look overly squicked out by it. And he doesn't even stay to watch!

Annie goes looking for Lucy to comfort her. She finds the girl hiding in the closet. Heh. No, literally -- Lucy is sitting in her closet. Simon is nowhere to be seen. Lucy wants to get her period because all her friends have already started getting theirs. Trust me, Lucy, when you've had to throw away mucho bucks on overpriced tampons for years, you might not be so thrilled. Lucy wonders if she's a freak because "it" hasn't arrived yet. Well, everyone knows Lucy is a freak, but I wouldn't say it's because of that. When Annie tries to reassure her that she will start her period, Lucy asks, "What if I don't?" Hey, Lucy, cheer up. At least then you won't have to spend your entire adult life popping out kid after kid, like your poor mother's doing. Annie tries to quote some Ecclesiastes at her -- or maybe it's the Byrds -- but she messes it up in any case. Needless to say, Lucy is not overly cheered to hear that "to everything there is a season."

Down at the pool hall, RevCam has roped Dopey into playing pool with him. Over dinner, he'd promised the Dopester that they would "talk," though he did offer his son the chance to avoid that nasty situation by challenging him to a game of pool. If Dopey wins, there will be no talk. Unfortunately for Matt, RevCam wins the game. I wonder what would have happened if it had really been RevCam playing the game instead of a double. The only shot I see Stephen Collins actually sink is so easy that even I could do it after numerous half-beers. And I suck at pool.

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7th Heaven

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