7th Heaven
Anything You Want (Pilot)

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Anything You Want (Pilot)

Ruthie delivers some lines to RevCam that a writer mistakenly thought would be adorable; then Simon does the same. Okay, maybe we could just get back to Lucy's storyline after all.

Mary and Lucy are jogging when they come across Jeff, a hunky friend of Dopey's for whom Mary is obviously hot. Jeff says he didn't know Lucy liked to run. Lucy looks like a startled deer for a second -- or at least what a startled deer would look like if it had dreadful puffy bangs -- but she does a quick save and says she likes to run. She also starts stretching in this weird half-squat, making me think Mary's going to have to tell her that they're not having the tampon-insertion lesson until after she talks to Jeff. Mary's just asking Jeff to come over and help her practice her foul shot when Lucy accidentally pulls the tampon out of her shorts pocket. Jeff is about to reach down and pick it up, but then he realizes what it is and hesitates. As I'm sure you can guess, this causes Lucy to massively freak out and run away. Mary's unfazed, though, and in a rare moment of self-possession, she picks up the tampon and calmly asks Jeff if he's coming over later. He smiles winsomely and agrees.

Uh-oh -- it looks like we're going to see another cutesy scene with Simon, Ruthie, and RevCam. I dread that so much that I'm actually grateful when Dopey interrupts. He's on his way to his new job, which RevCam finally explains to him. He'll be helping a parishioner, Mrs. Bink, with some errands, and in return, Dopey gets to drive her old Mustang. While Eric's explaining all this, Dopey grabs a carton of milk and starts drinking from it. RevCam grabs it from him and empties the rest of the milk into a glass, which he hands to Dopey. After Dopey downs that, he casually walks over to the fridge and starts drinking from a fresh carton of milk. Honestly, you have to wonder how his parents ever got him toilet-trained. Matt suggests that the CamRents need to have a little chat with Mary about "men and women and stuff." I can only hope that convo takes place off-camera.

Mary has caught up with Lucy and cheered her up somewhat, even though the younger girl is still embarrassed about the tampon incident. Mary changes the subject and starts talking about how cute Jeff is. Lucy says he's not her type; she prefers Prince Charles. Hey, at least Prince Charles isn't embarrassed by talking about tampons, so there's something.

Even though he should be heading off to his job by now, Dopey has something more important to do. That's right -- he has to share his opinion with his parents on whether Mary should be allowed to date or not. He and RevCam come down firmly on the "no" side, while Annie disagrees. When Dopey starts to get agitated that she's expressing an opinion that differs from his, she cuts the conversation short, offering to drop him off at Mrs. Bink's. She reminds him that her parents are coming to visit tonight, so she wants him home for dinner. He says that's no problem, since he likes his grandparents. RevCam wants to know why all the kids love Annie's parents better than his. Hey, Eric, I don't! The Colonel grates my nerves sometimes, but he and his wife together are fabulously snarky towards you and your irritating family.

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7th Heaven

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