7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | 402 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Mary, Mary, MARY

I stop the videotape and hit the mute button. I see a tiny spaceship attacking Jessica Alba of Dark Angel. I wonder if the scene would look less stupid with the sound on. I turn up the sound and find that, no, it doesn't look less stupid at all. I press play and try to keep my eyes open as the CamRents discuss the probability of Mary having dinner with Wilson.

That scene is short, and I'm glad, until I see that it's followed by a scene in which Simon and Lucy discuss the probability of Mary going out with Wilson. Lucy seems to purposely make herself go wall-eyed as she considers the possibilities aloud. Shit, people. Go bowling or something. Damn -- Ruthie's in the room, too. She says a bunch of cutesy stuff about Mary marrying Wilson and Robbie finding a nice girl who deserves him. The doorbell rings, and all three brats run down the stairs to watch their parents open the door for Marie, who maybe, sort of, kind of looks like Mary. Everyone rudely gawks at her and says, "Wow." Lucy's navel peeks from beneath tightly t-shirted breasts in orange. "Mary, Mary," drone the twins, who should probably be taken out of the house a few times a year. Marie's there to lend Robbie some notes. I'm sad that she's not there to destroy the Camdens with deadly laser eyes, like I was hoping she would.

Marie sits on the CamCouch with Robbie and yaks about her education plans. Matt rudely takes Robbie aside and tells him to get rid of Marie, reminding him that he's in love with Mary. Matt drags Robbie over to the CamRents for some more unfunny hysterics. He yammers about the potential for Robbie bringing home strangers who look like other Camdens. Then Robbie babbles about cosmic twins. Matt threatens to leave, and I perk up a little. Annie informs us that she wants to borrow Marie's notes, too, and will therefore invite her to stay for dinner. Matt calls his family a freak show, and I can't argue with him. Ruthie oozes out of her eavesdropping niche and runs up the stairs.

7th Heaven

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