Matt sneaks into RevCam's office to make a private phone call. He lies to his dad, saying he wants to call Mary. RevCam doesn't believe him but, like me, doesn't care enough to investigate further.

The Reverend Eric Cam-Dan the Cam-Man strolls into the kitchen and asks Goody Annie if she thinks everyone in their little family always tells the truth. Goody Annie goodly says that all she knows is that her RevCam is the best man she's ever known, and he's the greatest, and he's the most, and he shines like a fucking halo in a chlorine-filled pool in the sun. They kiss, and I feel like throwing up because Annie is obviously depressed and reluctant to displease RevCam for fear of how he might retaliate upon her isolated, child-sodden little world.

Just kidding.

Lucy is STILL sitting on her bed, staring at her picture of Jeremy, and Simon is still helping her care for the twins, who should probably save their money to buy some real parents. Lucy moans about her slim chances for a continued relationship with Jeremy. Yes, long-distance relationships often don't work out. Lucy should save up her phone dollars to buy a real hairstyle, instead. Either she or Simon asks if the other one thinks that things will work out between Robbie and Mary. The other one says that it will all depend on their next phone call. I think they should wear masks that look like old men's faces so that they'll be even more like a Greek chorus in a boring tragedy that I have to write a paper on for my grade.

Robbie bursts in on Matt fondling the phone in RevCam's office, and hasn't it been an hour already? How can they pack a show so full of nothing? Matt runs out of the room, and Robbie calls Mary. He asks for an apology for her sin of omission. She doesn't say anything, preferring to let her orangey blush do all the talking. "I think you should come home," he tells her. Hey...yeah -- wasn't she just about to board a train for Glenoak? Oh, well. She's not ready to come home, she says. That sounds pretty defiant. Maybe the Colonel should ship Mary off to Glenoak to teach her a lesson.

Next week: The CamMen can't control their women, and it's probably because Simon's a virgin. Or something. I was soaking my VCR in holy water, so it was hard to tell.