Robbie is playing basketball with a bunch of little boys. Some of them want to know why they aren't playing soccer. Robbie explains that the field's too wet. We see the back of some chick as she walks up to Robbie and asks if she can share the court with him. He totally freaks out at the sight of her face. He tells her that she looks so much like a friend of his, that she could be his friend's twin. Gee, I wonder if this is the woman is the person that's supposed to look like Mary. You know -- the one they kept talking about in the promos all freaking week.

Speak of the devil, or at least of his succubus...we see Mary at the train station, bellowing at some guy named Wilson. Wilson and his son seem happy to see her. They must not know her very well.

Next we see Mary dialing a phone in phony annoyance in her room at the House of the Colonel. She keeps getting a busy signal, and this makes her jump up and down like a spoiled child, but with breasts. Mary only has two moods, I've noticed: cranky and stupid. Eventually Lucy answers the phone, gasping, "Jeremy??" She's disappointed that it's only Mary, like anyone else would be. Mary does her needing-advice-from-a-younger-sibling shtick. She tells Lucy about running into Wilson at the train station. Lucy immediately advises her to tell Robbie everything. Mary wants to talk to Annie. Lucy yells, "Mom! It's Mary!" StuporMom comes in, mad as hell. "I'm not Happy," she says. Lucy asks why. "I'm not Happy -- our dog Happy. It's not polite to just yell out my name and expect me to come running." Yeah, Lucy. You should have gotten up and walked downstairs and quietly told your mom to pick up the phone. Where were you born, in a minister's house? Lucy apologizes, and Annie makes an angry face that would have been better suited to a nighttime soap opera. She's a Spelling Stable Gal, I guess. Lucy tells her mom all Mary's business, and Annie immediately says that Mary should tell it to Robbie. Hello? What the hell? First of all, nothing's going on between Mary and Wilson yet. Second of all, nothing's going on between Mary and Robbie. Why should she tell him jack, whether she's hoping to hook up with him later in the season or not? What. Ev. Er. This "let the big, strong, white man solve all your problems and tell you what to do, baby" shtick is getting stale as hell. Since when are Mary and Robbie boyfriend and girlfriend again? Oh, you know what? Don't answer that. I just realized that I don't care. All I have to do is watch for an hour, and type, and breathe. RevCam walks in, and we have to hear Annie rehash the whole situation to him. He hops on the phone and tells Mary what to do. They go on and on. Then Simon comes in, and they tell him what's happening, too. He has the same advice as the other CamClones. Jeez, people. Buy a crystal-growing kit.

Okay, so next we see Ruthie dancing to Eric Clapton in the twins' room. I'm not going to make fun of the way she moves, because she's just a little kid. They're making her dance to a dinosaur of rock, and she's having fun with it. Good for her. The twins stare abjectly into space. Robbie comes in and starts dancing, too. I can make fun of him. He looks like my dad used to when he would get drunk and dance and embarrass the living hell out of me. "I didn't know you could dance!" Ruthie tells him. And she still doesn't. The whole rest of the CamFam bursts in and watches for a while. Robbie shuts off the bitchin' Hello Kitty stereo. The Stepford Camdens explain that Mary's on the phone. Ruthie asks if she's in jail. The phone is handed to Robbie, and everyone files out so they can pretend to give him some privacy before they start asking him for all the details of his conversation. Before Mary can confess to Robbie, he tells her all about the girl he met in the park and how she looked so much like Mary. Plus, she's at college on a basketball scholarship and she's really smart and charitable and her toothbrush is made of gold. Or something. "So she's me but a better me? I'm sorry -- what part of this is funny?" Mary asks. The funny part is that I'm watching a show this lame without being in a room full of people who just got stoned, Mary. Yeah, I know -- I'm not laughing, either. We find out that Mary's Doppelganger is named Marie. Mary gets mad and hangs up on Robbie.

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