7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
admin: F | Grade It Now!
Mary, Mary, MARY

After the movie, Cheryl asks Matt what he thought of the movie. Matt thought it was okay until the guy started waxing his legs. Yes, I can imagine that it was only "okay" for Matt until then. Cheryl says that she likes guys who understand women. They babble long enough for us to realize that Cheryl knows all about Matt's dating history. She teases him a little, making him wonder whether he'll get to date her again. The bait excites him and makes him want a kiss. He doesn't get one. Hold out, Cheryl. You're making him wild with desire. You'll be shackled to Matt before you know it. She jokes that she'll wax his legs for him. Hide the kink, Cheryl. Save it for the customers.

The next morning, Robbie is apologizing to Matt in the hall. Matt says nothing about his date with Cheryl. I wonder if it's because of the impediment under his lower lip. Maybe that dark button is keeping him from speaking the family-valued truth. Oh, but actually, it's only a little bit of hair. Matt can't resist being stupid, and so he says enough about hypothetical situations involving Cheryl to plant suspicion in Robbie's mind. Robbie finds the idea of their dating too unfathomably silly, though.

Matt sneaks into RevCam's office to make a private phone call. He lies to his dad, saying he wants to call Mary. RevCam doesn't believe him but, like me, doesn't care enough to investigate further.

The Reverend Eric Cam-Dan the Cam-Man strolls into the kitchen and asks Goody Annie if she thinks everyone in their little family always tells the truth. Goody Annie goodly says that all she knows is that her RevCam is the best man she's ever known, and he's the greatest, and he's the most, and he shines like a fucking halo in a chlorine-filled pool in the sun. They kiss, and I feel like throwing up because Annie is obviously depressed and reluctant to displease RevCam for fear of how he might retaliate upon her isolated, child-sodden little world.

Just kidding.

Lucy is STILL sitting on her bed, staring at her picture of Jeremy, and Simon is still helping her care for the twins, who should probably save their money to buy some real parents. Lucy moans about her slim chances for a continued relationship with Jeremy. Yes, long-distance relationships often don't work out. Lucy should save up her phone dollars to buy a real hairstyle, instead. Either she or Simon asks if the other one thinks that things will work out between Robbie and Mary. The other one says that it will all depend on their next phone call. I think they should wear masks that look like old men's faces so that they'll be even more like a Greek chorus in a boring tragedy that I have to write a paper on for my grade.

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7th Heaven




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