7th Heaven
Are (2)

Episode Report Card
admin: C- | Grade It Now!
Tying up all the loose and stupid ends

Simon mopes out onto the back patio. Ruthie tells him that he missed it -- Mom made lasagna, but no one ate it because of all the trauma and bile. She explains everything that happened last episode, including the fact that Mary had “adult relations.” Happy sits way too close to Ruthie for my comfort. I imagine dog hairs wisping into her mouth. Then Simon runs off, and Ruthie hugs and kisses Happy. Happy just sort of whines throughout this scene. It’s a fitting lead-in to the caterwauling of the theme song that follows.

Seventh heaven!
Thankfully the season’s over and I can have a break!
Seventh heaven!
When I watch this stupid show, it makes my stomach ache!
Now I can go-o-o-o
Out with friends on Monday nights!
And not go ho-o-ome
'Cause I can’t program my VCR right
To record Seventh Heaven,
Ew, Seventh Heaven!

Mary, Lucy, and their various boyfriends sit in different parts of the CamPound and pout while Ruthie goes around and asks nosy questions. Robbie tells her to get out of his business. Mary gives a monologue about how she’s seen as the Bad Seed and she shouldn’t have come home. She runs off, showing us her maroon pants and blue tank top. No wonder no one likes her.

RevCam strolls into the kitchen and asks what’s up. Annie bitches that she’s been paging him all night. He looks at his pager and notes that it’s been turned off. “Serena!” he mutters, probably remembering that her ass hit the pager’s off button while he was having sex with her on his desk at the church. Wilson walks in and informs the CamRents that Jeremy left. He does this while helping himself to a selection from their refrigerator. Then he leaves, and Annie starts to fill in RevCam on all the mess. When she gets to the part about Mary’s adult relations, she teases us like the saucy cat she is -- not actually saying the phrase, but asking Rev to sit down first, instead. She must know that the mere phrase “adult relations” is enough to arouse RevCam into impregnating her. She knows that she must take it slow, because the budget doesn’t afford them the luxury of a series name change or extra dining-table leaf at this point.

Mary walks up to Lucy’s room, fighting colors all the way. She tries to tell her sister that she didn’t actually have sex with Jeremy. Lucy is too righteous and indignant to listen. Mary makes a good point, for once. She asks why Lucy’s not angry with Jeremy, if she really believes he was unfaithful. Lucy says that Mary must have seduced him or come up with some “wacky plan” to trick him into going to bed with her. Then she verbally disowns Mary, who sadly leaves the room.

Back in the kitchen, RevCam digests what Annie’s told him. He’s sure Mary didn’t actually have sex with Jeremy. He’s way more shocked that Lucy got engaged and wants to go “back east” with Jeremy. I’m thinking about counting the number of times these people say “back east” in this episode, but I’m too lazy. Ruthie comes in and tells everybody Lucy’s reasoning for her plans. She also informs us that Mary’s gone to talk to Jeremy.

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7th Heaven




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