“So, from the moment your husband started counseling me, I have tried everything I could think of to get him,” Serena tells Annie. “I’ve asked him to lunch -- he said no. So I started showing up at the church with picnic lunches. But that didn’t work. I started breaking stuff at my house so I could have him come over and fix it. I’ve flirted, tricked, and deceived your husband in almost every way I know, but nothing has worked.” Huh? Picnic lunches and home repairs? You know, for a scheming siren, Serena’s pretty lame. Any slut worth her salt would have quickly felled the mighty RevCam with a well-timed blowjob under the desk. Serena continues, “So today I decided I’d make my big move. I’d invite him over and seduce him. But even that didn’t work. After I made my move, all he wanted to do was counsel me. All he wants to do is help me. It’s so frustrating.” The sickest part of this monologue is that it makes me imagine RevCam and Matt having father/son talks about sex: "And then, son, the succubus will try to lure your manhood into her dark cave of childbearing. That’s when you hit her full force with all your family-values counseling powers…” The second sickest thing about Serena’s speech is that she’s stupid enough to tell it to Annie. I love that the two of them are having coffee while it occurs. Serena apologizes and then gets up to leave, promising that she’ll leave Eric alone from now on. Annie monotones, “I’m curious -- why my husband? From what I understand, you can have any man you want. Why would you want a man you can’t have?” Well, duh, Annie. Annie cranks up some psychobabble she heard on Oprah and tells Serena to sit down and stay a while. Serena sits. I think she should try to seduce Annie now. All the sexy build-up has to climax somehow.
Back at her apartment, Cheryl doesn’t want to discuss why she didn’t tell her friends she was dating Matt. She doesn’t want to discuss why Matt didn’t tell his parents about her, either. “What’s it gonna be? I’m tired of talking,” she tells him. “Shut up and get busy with the adult relations, Matt,” is what she means.
Simon, all in black, answers the phone in his room. How many freaking phones are in the house, anyway? “Simon, it’s me, Deena,” we see Deena say, as she makes her usual puppy-about-to-get-kicked cringe face. She still wants to be Simon’s friend. She didn’t mean to hurt him. “Well, you did,” says Simon, right before hanging up on Deena’s baby-voiced, ugly-t-shirt-wearin’ ass.
“I think you’re attracted to my wife because she’s my wife, which makes her unavailable,” RevCam tells James. He says all this crap about James wanting a commitment-less relationship with Annie because he’s still “very much married” to his dead wife. James cries and says that he’s scared to try to have a real relationship. RevCam reassures him, and no one cares.