7th Heaven
Are (2)

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Gwen: C- | Grade It Now!
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Tying up all the loose and stupid ends

Serena hugs Annie goodbye and asks if they can get together and talk again. Annie makes a face as if she’s swallowing her own bile. “Never mind,” says Serena. Annie remembers the training at her husband’s hands and pretends that she’d love to dispense more good counsel, even though Serena is a slut from hell.

The CamRents tell each other what they’ve been doing for the past few minutes. “I love you,” they simper in tandem. Lucy barges in and barks that she doesn’t want to talk. The CamRents reluctantly let her go. Annie tells RevCam that they’ll have to let Lucy marry Jeremy and fuck up her life on her own. Robbie and Wilson playfully run down the stairs together, giggling and practically slapping each other’s asses. They’ve “been talking all night” and now they’re waiting for Mary to come home. They leave, Annie leaves, and Simon mopes in. He tells RevCam that he’s in love with Deena. RevCam asks if Simon’s heart can tolerate a friendship with the girl he loves.

Upstairs, RevCam asks Matt if he’s getting serious about Cheryl. Matt does his crack-addled routine and then says that he’s all talked out. Here’s hoping Cheryl’s stocked up on Duracells.

In their bedroom, RevCam overhears Annie talking to Priscilla’s parents on the phone. She and RevCam are to call all the wedding guests and tell them the wedding’s off, because Priscilla’s parents have to catch the red eye to New York. Wait -- what is this “New York”? I only know of the land called Back East.

Ruthie and Lucy lie in their beds. Ruthie tells Lucy that Mary loves her. No one cares.

Annie brings the phone to Matt and asks him if “this thing with Cheryl” is serious. Matt dismisses her and takes the phone. He’s in his bed, and Cheryl’s in hers. “So we’re finally in bed together,” she says, because she’s lame like that. She tells him she didn’t want her friends to know she was dating Matt because she knew that eventually he’d dump her. Matt asks why she wanted to have sex, then. Cheryl busts out some cliché about wrong-side-of-the-tracks sex. She tells Matt she’ll miss him and then hangs up, leaving him bemused.

Mary walks into the CamKitchen to find Wilson and Robbie basking in afterglow. “What’s going on?” she asks in that husky jock voice of hers. Wilson tells her she needs to straighten things out with Robbie before she moves on to things with him. “I’m bunking in with Matt and Robbie,” he tells her, gratuitously setting up the three-way images in our minds. Then he runs upstairs. Mary explains why she made up the story about hooking up with Jeremy. Then she says she came back to Glenoak for the summer because she was running away from the potential of another failed relationship with Wilson. Then it’s Robbie’s turn. He admits that he’s reluctant to date Mary, because if it doesn’t work out, the CamRents might kick him out of their house. “You don’t wanna date me. You wanna date my family,” Mary tells him. “No, I wanna marry your family,” Robbie says. Ooh -- get your freak on, Robbie. Mary says that he’s in the family for good, whether he dates her or not. They declare their undying love for each other, and Robbie runs off. The CamRents come out of the Eavesdropping Korner. They heard everything, and Mary’s glad. RevCam welcomes her home. They do a three-way hug.

Mary comes upstairs in an ugly, ugly lavender and pink duster-over-dress ensemble. Ruthie flees the room so that Mary and Lucy can talk. Lucy is fighting for the Funkiest Style Of The Week Award in her white widow’s-peak-baring headband. She says that Mary doesn’t have to explain anything, because Jeremy’s explained it all. They hug and blah, blah.

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7th Heaven

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