7th Heaven
Baggage (a.k.a. Out Of The Past)

Episode Report Card
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Sleepover Madness

Nighttime. Chandler and Paris hold hands and walk down the extremely busy Promenade. Chandler tells Paris that he wants to go on a "real" date, defined by him calling her up and asking her out. Paris totally buys into the misogyny and leaves to wait by the phone.

I have to wonder why people buy tracksuits that are entirely too small for them. Isn't the whole point of tracksuits that you're going to be using them for exercise, so having a little extra room to move around in is desirable? And yet, here's Lucy, sitting in the Treehouse of Lurv, a wearing hideous bright pink tracksuit that is so tight on her that if she tried to do a lunge, it would surely burst apart Hulk-style. It's so tight that she can't even zip it over her chest. Anyway, Lucy is picking through the trashcan she's smartly placed in the dead center of the room. Of course, she finds a flyer advertising the "Glenoak Police Department Husband/Wife Softball League." Lucy attempts to look sad by cartoonishly narrowing her eyes. Needless to say, the saxophone feels her pain. I wonder if it also feels the pain of Glenoak's singles, or couples who aren't married or are homosexual, and thus not allowed to play on this softball team.

Annie walks into the dark kitchen (and what is going on with that? It's been shrouded in darkness all season. Can't production afford a couple light bulbs?) and announces that Asslee's coming over for dinner. Ruthie expresses disgust that Asslee is coming over to eat again, but seeing as her basically live-in boyfriend is currently setting the dining room table, I don't think she has the right to complain, do you?

RevCam comes home and tries to escape his horrible family by running upstairs. Unfortunately, Peter is blocking his path. He asks RevCam if he talked to Dr. Hastings. Dr. Hastings as in "Special Guest Star Ed Begley Jr. Dr. Hastings"? Please don't let him appear today. Wait -- isn't he a gynecologist? What could Peter possibly be asking RevCam to talk to a gynecologist about? Maybe he wants to know more about recent internet rumors he's heard about the bleach in tampons causing cancer. Should he be buying Paris and Ruthie special unbleached tampons from the local natural foods store? They are more expensive, but you can't put a price on health. RevCam says that he did talk to Ed Begley, Jr. about Peter's idea to bring his dog to the hospital to cheer up rehab patients. While the hospital liked the idea, they thought that Peter was too young. So they rejected the request, and RevCam agrees with them that Peter is too young and innocent to deal with the very adult subject of drug and alcohol addiction. Whatever -- when I was only a little older than Peter, I volunteered at a hospital, and part of my job was walking new rehab admittees to the floor. It was extremely awkward, but I didn't lose my innocence over it or anything. Peter says that he wants to do this as his commitment, which means that this commitment storyline has now been a part of three episodes, which is some damn impressive continuity for this show, so he will not be deterred. And he will quote RevCam's speech about being the wind beneath the wings of his faith verbatim until RevCam agrees to help. Peter, did you ever know that you're my hero? And everything I would like to be? Flyy-yieeee …FLYY-EEE-YIEEEEE! Fly HIGH AGAINST THE SKYYYYY! It takes a lot of middle school talent show attendance to memorize the lyrics to that song, but I did it. RevCam finally agrees to try to convince the hospital officials to let Peter volunteer in rehab when Peter brings up disturbing mental images of Chandler and Paris being "busy" with each other.

The opening credits have gotten a slight upgrade overall that is best compared to how Sears will give you new cabinet faces instead of entirely new cabinets. They may look better and save money, but underneath it all, they're still the same old termite-infested, poor-wood-quality cabinets. Catherine Hicks gets all new face shots that show off her horrible new hairstyle. And there are not one, but two, shots of characters playing baseball, and one of them is Martin. That's right -- he's back. Let the NotRobbie-ing begin!

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7th Heaven




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