7th Heaven
Baggage (a.k.a. Out Of The Past)

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
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Sleepover Madness

Outside somewhere, Martin walks by Lucy. She stops him and asks him if he plays softball, and can he teach her how. "Maybe," he says, then tries to walk away. Lucy says she's desperate. "Yeah, I got that," Martin says. True, but mean. Martin walks away again, but then stops and tells her that he can give her a softball lesson tomorrow after church. Lucy says that it has to be right now, as her first game is in four hours. Martin doesn't think he'll be able to teach her anything, and he has date plans for now besides, but he'll try to teach her something anyway, as long as his date can "tag along." I'll bet his girlfriend is going to be really psyched to see that her date is at the romantic batting cages. Lucy and Martin leave to pick up his girlfriend by walking across a ten-foot-wide sidewalk and off-screen. Where they hell are they, anyway?

Annie has taken insanity to new levels by preparing a plate full of beautifully made ham sandwiches for no one. A phone call from Asslee provides her with some momentary distraction. Annie asks her where she was last night. Asslee says that she was out with some friends and lost track of time. "That's okay!" Annie says. "Thanksssss," Asslee hisses. Can't someone teach that girl how to talk? Annie asks Asslee if she wants to come over for lunch. Asslee says she can't. Annie refuses to get the hint and invites her over for dinner. Asslee says she can't do that either. "Is something wrong?" Annie asks. Hey, maybe Asslee just wants to spend some time with her real family. I don't think she's seen her real mother in six months. Asslee says that she has to work a double shift today for her parents. "Oh, work," Annie says, sounding all surprised because the concept of working for a living has no meaning to her. "Well, have a good day and, you know, if you have time, come on by for --" and then Asslee straight-up hangs up on her, exhales in relief, and rolls her eyes. Annie realizes that she's talking to a dial tone, shrugs, and hangs up. That was probably the single most gratifying moment I've ever experienced while watching this show. I gave the episode an A just for that. But don't think it made me like Asslee any more. Still hate her.

It turns out that rehab patients are dog people. As in, they like dogs, not that they're part dog and part human. Although that would have been awesome. They crowd around Happy and pet her while Ruthie looks uncomfortable and probably reconsiders her decision to do this instead of spending the afternoon with Annie. Then again, probably not. Chandler and some old guy watch, and the old guy remarks that he didn't think Peter's idea would work, but it seems to be going really well. The patients are getting a chance to interact with people who don't know anything about their past and don't judge them for it. Um, except that Peter and Ruthie do know that the patients are drug addicts and are totally judging them for it, treating them like mentally deficient adults or disabled children by bringing their dogs for them to play with. Roxanne, in uniform and sporting her no-nonsense bun, walks in, thus providing Chandler with a reason to excuse himself from the old guy. Chandler asks Roxanne what she's doing there. Yeah, that's what I'd like to know. Now that she's not with Chandler, there's really no reason for her to be on this show. Same goes for Asslee and Martin. And Peter and SamVid can probably be let out of their contracts, too. Kevin can stay, but only if they write in some kind of accident that results in him never being able to wear a shirt or speak again. Roxanne says that she's "taking a report from a car accident victim." She's a little too late for PaulSmith, I think. Also, how does "taking a report" necessitate walking through the rehab wing? Why am I even questioning the logic when there obviously isn't any? You'd think I would have learned by now. Chandler comments that Roxanne doesn't "look so great." Unless she added fifteen pounds to her face during the summer break like a certain assistant pastor, Chandler, then you should probably shut it. Roxanne says that she just dumped her boyfriend, then smiles and asks Chandler if he has any plans tonight. Yeah, she's real broken up about ending stuff with Paul. Chandler says he can't; he has a date tonight. Roxanne grins and excuses herself. Did Rachel Blanchard just find out that she got fired from the show? Why else would she smile throughout a scene where her character was supposed to be upset?

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7th Heaven

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