7th Heaven
Baggage (a.k.a. Out Of The Past)

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
Sleepover Madness

The game starts, as does a musical montage set to John Fogerty's "Centerfield." I'm so glad that 7th Heaven is ruining yet another great classic rock song for me. I still can't listen to "Sunshine of Your Love" without feeling physically ill. Lucy takes her place at first base, magically changed into a uniform. I would spend some time pointing out how terrible this show's continuity is, but I'm so glad to not have to see that ugly blue shirt with those puffy cap sleeves that I'll just let it slide. Anyway, the montage consists of Lucy totally sucking at baseball and Kevin cringing in horror at her suckiness. Eventually, she gets taken off first base and placed deep in the outfield, where she sulks like a little baby. Then she strikes out, and her teammates throw their caps on the ground in disgust. The next time we see Lucy, she's sitting on the bench with her new team jacket on.

Chandler enters the church office and growls that he left his bank card in his jacket pocket, which he'll need if he wants to take Peter and Ruthie -- and their dogs, I suppose -- to "the new animated movie." Oh, come on, Chandler; those two are thirteen. Surely they'd much rather see The Moving Picture Featuring the Newest Tween Superstar. Anyway, Chandler leaving his bank card lying around the church office sure is convenient, as it gives RevCam an opportunity to give him Roxanne's letter. Chandler sniffs the letter, then backs away in surprise. Wha? And are those doodles of party streamers Roxanne drew on the back of the envelope? Why does everyone on this show have the mentality of a six-year-old? Even the twins, if you combine the ages of their respective brainpower.

Someone knocks on the Camdens' back door as Annie is walking to answer it. That's amazing -- she moves to answer doors before she knows anyone is even behind them. Annie has a lot of hidden talents. Actually, I think "hidden" is redundant there, because obviously any of Annie's talents would have to be hidden. Anyway, Paris is at the door, and she needs to talk to someone about how she may have "scared" Chandler away. But first, she tries to pay some attention to SamVid. Annie pulls her away from the children, probably jealous that Paris knows which of the kids is which and she still doesn't. Paris and Annie sit down, and Paris explains that she's afraid that Chandler thinks she invited him to sleep over at her house when she mentioned that Peter was sleeping at the Camdens' tonight. "Ooooh," Annie says, disgust written all over her face. This is her normal expression, however, so I'm not sure if she was reacting to Paris being such a WHORE!, or suddenly realizing what a terrible parent she is for letting her daughter's boyfriend sleep at her house, or if the five pounds of Vaseline they put on the lens whenever they shoot Catherine Hicks's face now have just distorted the image. "Are you sure it wasn't an invitation?" Annie asks, looking around for a quarantine screen so as not to be infected with the raging case of whoreitis Paris obviously has. Paris says she doesn't know if it was an invitation. "Yes, you do," Annie replies through clenched teeth.

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7th Heaven




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