7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: D | Grade It Now!

At Dopey's Swingin' Bachelor Pad, Matt is telling John about how that blonde chick wouldn't go out with him. The writers must have used up all their "creativity" on the hilarious Hank and Julie subplot, because here they resort to a retread of the old Dopey Blames Everyone Else For His Problems shtick. That never gets old! Dopey just can't believe that anyone could resist his charms, so he tries to blame Chucklehead's refusal of a date on Heather, who, he claims, must be slagging him around campus. John points out that Heather is much too nice to do anything like that, and adds that this is part of a pattern for Dopey. He says, "You meet a girl, you ask her out, she says no, it drives you crazy." I'm seeing a pattern here too. Does John ever do anything other than analyze Matt's character and then offer up stupid "insights" that act as the basis for Matt's sub-plot of the week? Doesn't he have a life? I hope we don't discover that John has a secret room where he covers the walls with pictures of Dopey and fills notebook after notebook with observations about the Dopester. Oh, wait, never mind. It's RevCam who is the show's resident stalker. John says Matt's wearing the look he gets when he's about to do something stupid. Funny, I don't think he looks any different than usual.

Simon's talking to one of his friends on the phone. I think it's that guy he toilet-papered someone's house with, but I can't be sure. Simon's telling his friend about how he is a man, not a child. Considering his friend's voice probably changed about ten years ago, I think we can safely say that at least one of them is a man. Simon claims to be a man because his voice is deep and he thinks about girls all the time. You know, the writers have got to stop cribbing their dialogue from educational pamphlets with titles like "Puberty and You!" The friend suggests that Simon change his hair. That's not good enough; Simon wants to do something that will make people "think to themselves, 'Now, there's a man.'" Hmm, aside from walking around with his penis hanging out of his pants, I can't really think of anything. ["AUUGGHHH!" -- Sars]

Over at Hank and Julie's, there's a knock on the door. Fortunately, Mary happens to be walking right past the door at that very moment, so we don't need to waste any extra time waiting for her to answer it. And that's great, because the suspense was just killing us! Wow, it's Frankie. I don't know about you, but I sure didn't see that coming. Frankie talks Mary into letting her into the house, where she proceeds to beg Mary to baby-sit for her. I can't help but stare at all the reddish-purple eye shadow she's wearing, like right up to her eyebrow. It reminds me of when I was first learning to apply eye-shadow. Frankie says she needs Mary to baby-sit, because she suspects Johnny is cheating on her and she needs to do a little detective work. Personally, I think she should hire RevCam for that, given his expertise in stalking. Maybe she couldn't reach him, though, since he's out for the day. Mary reluctantly agrees. Frankie hands her the diaper bag, and for a second I expect her to say that Mercy is inside it. Turns out Frankie has left her in the car. Okay, that's pretty bad too. Frankie says Mary is "the best friend ever." Mary opines that she may in fact be the "stupidest." Shout-out!

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7th Heaven




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