7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: D | Grade It Now!

The phone rings and Mary answers. It's Hank, pretending to be a stranger and testing Mary's responses. She says, "They're not available. May I take a message?" First of all, who would call and ask for both Julie and Hank? Shyeah, that's realistic. And secondly, why do people tell kids and baby-sitters to say that adults are "not available"? Nobody talks like that. If I were a criminal, that would be my first tip-off that a kid was home alone. Can we hurry this scene along, please? I have to make it to the drugstore before all the good leftover Halloween candy is gone. Nothing else remarkable happens here, except that Frankie's daughter throws a bowl of cereal over Mary's head. I'm convinced the producers are pissed about her departure and are trying to make her look as ridiculous as possible. This is just another way to punish her.

The CamRents follow Frankie and his date into the pool hall. Eric's reprising his outfit from when he followed Lucy and Lance Bass last season. It's the sweatshirt hood-over-the-head look that makes him soooo inconspicuous in the pool hall. He says, "Look, I know you wanted to spend the day being free and having fun, but this is so much better!" At least that's what he's thinking. He claims he put his "reputation on the line to get Frankie and Johnny out of jail." And now he has to stalk them, I guess. Annie, exasperated by listening to Eric talk about the situation, tells him to just go over and talk to Johnny. Eric says, "That's not how I do it." Heh! That was pretty cool. I have to give the writers credit for being able to laugh at themselves. RevCam tells Annie that he doesn't want to ruin their Saturday, so they can leave if she wants. Annie knows how much RevCam's stalking hobby means to him, though, so she says they can stay. She tries to play it off as just her worry over Mary, but I think that's just to make RevCam feel better about his Obsessive Stalker Disorder. Isn't that romantic?

At Dopey's Swingin' Bachelor Pad, Dopey informs John that he wasn't able to talk to Heather. Yeah, that's because the producers are already paying for such luminaries as Ed Begley out of this week's guest-star budget. Dopey was able to talk the librarian into giving him not only the phone number but also the address of Chucklehead, whose real name turns out to be Kim. Okay, I know they've started acknowledging the whole stalker bit here, and that's cool, but really, I'm not sure they're understanding the significance of it all. There had better be some sort of major comeuppance for Matt at the end of this episode for going to such lengths to get a woman's phone number and address. Actually, "creepy" doesn't even begin to describe it. Especially when Dopey calls Kim and gets the brush-off and doesn't realize he should respect her wishes and leave her the fuck alone.

Annie calls Mary to see how things are going. Mary says everything is fine and that the "babies" are fine. Annie picks up on that but then totally seems to buy Mary's awkward, convoluted attempt to backpedal. Killer maternal instincts there, StuporMom. Mary's so frazzled by her slip-up that she's actually polite when she says goodbye to her mom. She talks to the babies some more, then reaches into Frankie's diaper bag and pulls out a beer. She stares at it, mystified, as if she's never seen beer before.

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7th Heaven




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