7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | Grade It Now!
Mary Liar Bore

At the Swinging Bachelor Pad, John annoys Matt with his pacing. After way too much over-acted dialogue, we find out that John's troubled because Mary asked him for a loan. John also saw Mary hanging out with Frankie and Johnny while they drank and smoked. He points out that desperate people do desperate things. I wonder if Mary will start stripping at the local topless bar. Glenoak probably doesn't have one, though. Maybe she'll just sell her plasma instead. Matt, with his slicked-back locks and Monkee-esque sideburns, says he doesn't know what to do.

RevCam goes to Glenoak Hospital on some pretext or another and runs into his brother-in-law, Hank. RevCam tells Hank that he's stressed out, and the filler scene ends. You all know that Hank is played by Ed Begley, Jr., but did you know that Ed Begley, Jr., had roles in Spinal Tap and Battlestar Galactica? Maybe you knew that, but did you know that our own Cate had a crush on Starbuck when she was a child? Okay, maybe you knew that, too, but you might not have known that my heart was torn between Starbuck and Apollo. Neither Cate nor I remember Ed Begley, Jr.'s role on the show, though.

Somewhere on the Promenade, Mary's holding up the line at the ATM. She keeps trying various cards with her mouth hanging open. The guy behind her gives her five dollars to "just walk away." She takes it. Downward spiral to prostitution, next exit on your left, Mary.

Annie hangs out at the grocery store and picks up some of those tiny bananas. Sometimes I hang out the grocery store when I'm mad at my husband, too. I usually read magazines and mess with the cosmetic samples, though. Some guy recognizes Annie and introduces himself as Mr. Johnson from Johnson Insurance Company. He tells Annie that Mary's been driving without insurance. At first StuporMom doesn't believe him, but eventually he gets the concept through her big, square head.

Mary strolls into the CamPound, and Lucy asks where she's been. Lucy tells her about all the calls from the collection agency, and Mary acts totally ignorant. She brags about how easy it was to get the credit card, and then she asks Lucy for fifty dollars. Lucy tells her to grow up.

In the twins' nursery, Mary begs Simon for the money. He slams doors on her face and tells her it's not his problem. Mary whines that she is "out in the real world" and she needs "things." First of all, she is not out in the real world. Second, if she needs things like her Bedazzled jacket so badly, she should get a job at K-Mart so she can at least get a discount. The phone rings. Lucy brings it to Mary, saying it's the Collections Bitch. Mary hangs up on her as Ruthie beckons from her room. Ruthie has $20 that she'll loan to her sister. Instead of thanking her, Mary asks if she has any more. Ruthie apologizes, and Mary takes her twenty anyway. The phone rings some more. Mary hands the phone to Lucy and leaves the house. Simon answers, and the bitch tells him that there'll be legal action taken against Mary if she doesn't make her payment by the end of the day. "Don't let them put Mary in jail," Ruthie sniffs. Man, this episode is so incredibly annoying. And there's no cutesy subplot relief, either. It's all about Mary and what an irresponsible dork she is. The only redeeming detail of this scene is the appliqué on Ruthie's t-shirt. It's a cute orange monster. I'm going to make myself a t-shirt like that as soon as I'm done with this recap. Simon points out that the CamRents are eventually going to answer their own phone and find out how much trouble Mary's in. Lucy only knows one person they can call. When we were watching this, I said that she was calling Matt, and my husband bet it was "that minister guy." I had to tell him that the minister was their father. "Damn, this show is stupid," he said.

Matt's in the Camden living room, wondering what bank would give Mary a credit card. His siblings tell him about the arguments the CamRents have been having lately. Annie calls and asks for Eric and then Mary. Lucy says that Mary's out looking for a job. The CamBrats fret some more.

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7th Heaven




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