StuporMom comes home to find Ruthie, Lucy, and Simon doing laundry and acting suspicious. Lucy tells her that Mary got an overdue paycheck and went to pay bills. Annie knows better and asks who loaned Mary the money. The kids play dumb. RevCam walks in, and the kids all run upstairs. The CamRents hug and apologize again. They share the gossip they learned from the citizens of Busybodyoak. Oh, sorry. I mean the citizens of Glennosy. They resolve to confront Mary with the "cold, hard facts."
At the hospital, Matt reprises his Bernie role for John. They gossip about Mary, and then that filler scene is over. I hope it was enough for the Chaz Lamar to pay his bills this month.
Mary returns home. Lucy hints, "You had one last paycheck coming!" from the stairwell just before the CamRents swarm in. Mary smilingly lies and then informs her parents that she got a job at the bookstore. She spackles on a bunch of talk about the new leaf she's turning over and then walks off. The CamRents weren't duped. Annie hysterically asks why they didn't confront Mary. RevCam says that they need more information before they forge ahead into battle. "The Art of War," he says, as if he just quoted Sun Tzu or something. "Is this war?" Annie quavers. RevCam thinks it is. It's a pretty lame war, then. My hamsters could do better playing Risk.
Up in their room, Mary tells Lucy about the job she thinks she has. "Now the trick isn't getting the job, it's keeping the job," says Lucy. Mary asks why she's being so snotty. Lucy points out how inconsiderate Mary's been lately. Mary apologizes and then says that from now on, honesty is her new policy. The guy from the bookstore calls to rescind his job offer. Mary says, "What?" They hang up and Lucy asks who was on the phone. "Oh, uh, wrong number," a lying, smiling Mary answers. Lucy looks suspicious as hell, the sad piano plays, and we fade to credits. Downward spiral alert! Treacherous self-constructed road ahead! Mary's on the Highway to Hell, y'all!
Next week: Mary is still losing her way, and her parents are still having their hearts wrenched in "an unforgettable farewell -- 'Mary's Goodbye,'" which can't come too soon for me.