In "New York," Wilson arrives home to find Mary playing with his son. I don't think Wilson's come from working on the "annual report," since he's not wearing a tie with shiny things on it. Mary explains that she dismissed the babysitter because she and Wilson need to talk. Wilson, very reasonably, tells her to leave. Little Billy opts to go instead, for which I am profoundly grateful. Wilson again tells Mary to leave. She melodramatically asks, "Are you asking me to leave your apartment or to leave your life?" Wilson looks perplexed. While he's mulling that one over, Mary apologizes some more and insists that there's nothing going on between her and Ben. After Mary walks out the door, Wilson blinks a lot while he tries to take all that in.
He follows her out to the elevator, pulling the door to his apartment shut. I sincerely hope he's forgotten to bring his keys. He tells Mary to start talking, so she does. She tells him that the night she kissed Ben, she'd been planning to accept Wilson's wedding proposal. For once, I don't blame Wilson for looking bewildered. She doesn't really explain the connection between kissing Ben and wanting to marry Wilson, but she does say that kissing Ben was "a big, crazy, stupid mistake." Personally, I think the "deciding to marry Wilson" thing is a lot stupider of a mistake, but that's just me. Wilson compounds his charm with a patriarchal "maybe, but lately your life has been a series of big, crazy, stupid mistakes." He goes on to lecture her about responsibility for a while. He's somewhat justified, but if I were Mary, I'd hightail it right out of there. Instead, she apologizes again, and asks, "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" Since there are still twenty-one minutes of show left, I estimate that we'll have to see this same stupid scene replayed at least three times. Let's see -- at four apologies per scene, that means she'll have to say she's sorry at least twelve more times. Hmm, maybe this episode should be called "Apology." Mary says she still wants to marry Wilson, and while he advocates a long engagement while they work out their problems, she insists that they elope to Niagara Falls the next day. I can't believe Wilson is being the voice of reason in this scene, but it's true. When he tells her that her idea is "crazy," she says, "No, what would be crazy would be not getting married and not spending our lives together!" Okay, but I still don't understand why they have to do it tomorrow. Oh, who cares? Thinking about this is making my head hurt. Wilson starts talking about a big wedding with family and friends, but Mary silences him with a kiss. What a great way to iron out their problems! I'm sure everything will be okay now, as long as they get married right away. After all, November sweeps only lasts for three more episodes.
Back in Glenoak, Lucy and Robbie are on their all-important first official date. The mood is tense, and all they seem to have to talk about is how exciting it is to share their first official meal together. Lucy has even dressed up for the occasion, with a bulky pink sleeveless polyester turtleneck. Trust me, it's hideous. Lucy's next conversational ploy is to beg Robbie to share his feelings with her. Anyone who's ever tried that can probably tell you that it's not exactly the way to go on a first date. Hell, I've never tried it, but I still know it's a bad idea. Lucy discovers this for her own dim self when all Robbie can up with is that she is both "better" and "different" than Mary. At least it's starting to look like there won't be any second date. And if we're real lucky, maybe Lucy will be so traumatized by the memories that she'll never wear the frightful pink sweater again.