Matt pulls up to Marcia's curb in his car, which looks very much like Mary's. Simon gets out, remarking on Marcia's early curfew. Matt asks Simon if he knows what he's doing. "What's to know?" asks Simon. "It's a movie, it's pizza, it's a goodnight kiss." Matt starts to argue, but Simon doesn't want to hear it. Marcia comes to her door in a pleather-pants-and-skimpy-top ensemble. She looks like a young Neve Campbell, but with long, blonde, Jennifer Aniston hair. "Wow," says Simon. Marcia spells it for him. Why do I know that this will become a very stale joke before the end of the hour?
New Guy Mike shows up at the CamPound with his limp mullet. Lucy leads him to the kitchen and apologizes for her dad's weird behavior. RevCam gave Mike a warm reception because of his interest in college, apparently. Lucy tells Mike that she can't find any of the brochures she brought home. Oh, it doesn't matter, Lucy. You know you're just going to Crawford Clown College, anyway. Mike doesn't mind because he didn't really want to talk about college, anyway. He says, "There are a lot of ways the two of us could help each other besides filling out college applications." Lucy looks askance at him and says "Excuse me?" Yeah -- excuse her? This sounds nefarious to me. Tell me more.
RevCam skips down to the living room with the baby monitor, telling Annie that the twins are snug in their beds. Annie holds up the copy of The Graduate that she rented. Then she busts out a box of fancy chocolate-dipped strawberries -- milk chocolate AND white. Two of each, ooh, la, la. Annie feeds Eric one and asks where "the Make-Out Queen" is. (Cate's in Schenectady, StuporMom. Don't worry -- she'll be back next week.) Eric feeds Annie a strawberry and assures her that Lucy and Ruthie are occupied elsewhere. Before she's finished chewing it, RevCam grabs her head and kisses her. (Cate, you are so lucky that I'm going through this for you.)
Ruthie's on her bed with Happy, penciling over that same letter "y". "I have no life," she laments. I think she should just start an online journal and be done with it. She can call it "Ruthie's Bratty, Judgmental, Moral Thoughts."
Lucy's saying, "So you'll help me fill out the college applications in a way that maximizes the possibility of acceptance, and in return..." Mike finishes, "I have a guaranteed date to every major event of our senior year." HA! That is so lame and contrived. Is this the WB or something? Oh, wait -- it is. Sorry. Lucy objects to the scheme, not because it's low-grade prostitution, but because she and Mike have never dated before and she doesn't know if they'll get along. Yeah, Mike. Lucy has to make out with you after homework before the two of you can start dating. Get with the program. Mike lists what he has to offer Lucy. He can write good applications. He can dance. He's an excellent conversationalist. He has impeccable manners, a car, and spending money. "I have virtually no friends, so there's no possibility you won't like who I hang out with. And unlike your last boyfriend, I never have to listen to what my father says, because I don't have one," says suave Mike. I think he should have mentioned that he was viciously candid, as well. Lucy makes several funny faces and then says that she wasn't really looking to complicate her life. "Well, sweetheart, life is complicated," says Mike. Then we pan to Ruthie eavesdropping on the stairs, jotting it all down in her diary. "The one night she can't get a guy to kiss her...next!" the hell spawn says, and runs up the stairs.
Simon is sighing in Matt's backseat as Marcia fawns all over his big brother. She knows more about medical school than Matt does, but he still turns her on. She spells "esterfication" for him. According to The American Heritage Dictionary, that has something to do with inorganic salts. Simon finally gets Marcia out of the car. She makes goo-goo eyes at Matt before they head into the theater. She's changed into a fringed black skirt, which she wears with the black top, a black shawl, and Lucite high heels. She's Stevie Nicks without the boots. Or the cocaine, I'm guessing. ["Please. She consented to a date with Simon. There's drug involvement here." -- Sars]