7th Heaven
Chances (1)

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Chances (1)

This penultimate episode of the season starts off with a phone call between The Amazing Robbie and America’s Sweetheart, the not-at-all trashy, dimwitted or vile Mary Camden. She has some exciting news for ol' Robbie. Originally she'd wanted to make it a surprise, but she points out that the rest of the Camdens already know. Well, obviously -- if it's even remotely gossip-worthy, of course they'd make it their business to find out. The big news is that Mary will be returning to Glenoak for the summer. Robbie’s a little less than whelmed by that info. In fact, he’s looking downright panicked. He asks, "What about Wilson?" Golly, that is so virtuous of him to care about the competition. Dumb she may be, but even Mary picks up on Robbie’s lack of enthusiasm. It's a good thing she can't see my reaction.

Over at the Sinnin' Premarital Cohabitators' Pad, John is ragging on Priscilla for not inviting her parents to their wedding. I'd totally forgotten about this dull storyline. Let's forget about it a bit longer, shall we?

Matt is studying at Cheryl's apartment when she interrupts him to hand over his invitation to the aforementioned wedding. She claims it fell out of his backpack, but the Cheryl we used to know would have rifled through his belongings to find it. I'm not sure if Suddenly Saintly Cheryl would do that or not. She points out that the invitation is addressed to "Matt Camden and guest." How lame is it that Matt's alleged best friend can't even be bothered to find out the name of who Dopey is dating and address a separate invitation to her? I'm sure John and Priscilla have those awful reply cards included with the invite that ask you to write down the number of people who will be attending. They totally deserve to have Matt tally up how many friends he wants to bring and write down some number like "12" on the card. Of course, the idea of Matt having even one friend other than John is pretty ludicrous, so the point is moot. Cheryl uses this occasion to pester Dopey some more about telling the Camdens that he's dating her. She says she doesn't want to be his "dirty little secret." I hate to tell her, but I'll bet Matt's got way dirtier secrets than his lame-ass barely-a-relationship with Cheryl. Someone as creepy as Dopey is bound to have at least one or two scary fetishes he practices in strict secrecy. He ends this scene by making Cheryl feel bad about interrupting his studying.

In the foyer of the CamPound, Lucy and some guy are making out. She asks him, "Did you hear yet?" He tells her to stop worrying. Simon walks by but does not linger to spy on them. Actually, I'm not sure why he's even in the scene.

Oh, I understand now -- he was on his way to the kitchen to ask when Jeremy got into town, thus letting us lazier viewers know that Lucy wasn't making out with some random guy but with the guest star she fell deeply and irrevocably in love with over the course of one episode a few months ago. Simon further informs us that he is going over to Deena's. What would be really, really nice would be if he decided to stay there forever, and if the producers decided never to show us any footage of what transpires there, ever. That's not too much to ask, is it? Sadly, it probably is. RevCam wants to know if Simon is dating Deena again. Now it's Ruthie's turn to provide the exposition, so she states that Deena has moved back to Glenoak. I hadn't noticed, but that's probably because I honestly could not care less about Deena. I know that's hard to believe, but really, I couldn't. Ruthie adds that Deena and Simon have made some "stupid pact to be friends." There is a gratuitous shot of Happy. Annie has been poring over some blueprints. Is one of her alleged college degrees in architecture? Because I'm not sure the average person would get that much out of a set of blueprints -- which pretty much makes it a sure bet that Annie hasn't got a clue. Nevertheless, she shares the excitement she feels about getting a building permit to build a room for Mary over the CamGarage. RevCam expresses the obligatory doubts about Mary coming home for the summer. He also invokes Wilson's name. What I want to know is why anyone on the show would give a flying fuck about Wilson's feelings. God knows none of the viewers do. Robbie, who's been eavesdropping, looks worried and leaves. Annie raves about James, the parishioner who will be helping her build Mary's room over the garage. RevCam points out that James is always helping Annie. She asks if Eric is jealous. He says he's not. Ruthie overhears this exchange, paving the way for one of this evening's more unfortunate subplots. Annie asks Eric how his group counseling session went. He tells her that is group meeting is on Wednesday and that tonight he "had Serena." That's what passes for humour on this show, by the way. This all leads to RevCam notifying Annie that he is now counseling Serena one-on-one. Annie is pissed, but over-actingly insists she's not jealous. If I were married to RevCam, I'd be peeved that he hadn't told me about this news, but I don't think I'd get all passive-aggressive about it. But then, I suppose the writers realize that there's nothing funny about honest adult communication. Of course, there's nothing funny about the way they write Annie's jealousy either, but that's another story.

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7th Heaven

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