Over at Wilson's swanky Buffalo townhouse, Mary is preparing salad with Slack-Jaw's annoying son. Unfortunately, Slack-Jaw comes home. He starts making out with Mary and telling her he loves her. I wonder if his son is traumatized for life by having to witness that. I know I sure am.
A commercial break is not nearly enough time to get over my feelings of ickiness. By the way, thanks to my new satellite service, not only can I tape each new episode of 7th Heaven at fifty-seven different times, but I can also get an in-depth weather forecast for Edmonton. I'm probably a little more excited about the Edmonton part.
Robbie calls up the Colonel in Buffalo, just to shoot the breeze. When the Colonel tells Robbie that he considers him part of the family, Robbie starts crying. Big mistake. You see, according to the Colonel, only "sissies" cry. Um, I really didn't need to hear that. I can't believe I ever liked the Colonel. If the writers want to improve the show, they need to bring back Grandma Ruth so that she and the Colonel can mock the rest of the Camdens. Now, that was funny. After the Colonel rudely hangs up on Robbie without even saying goodbye, Mary walks in to receive a special Colonel lecture of her own. She tells him she's not sure if college is her "goal" and says that she and Slack-Jaw are considering marriage. Although it's really none of his business, the Colonel approves the potential marriage, telling Mary, "You would be a good wife and mother, if that's what you decide you want." He does warn her that she needs a back-up plan, though, in case, "God forbid, something happens to Wilson." You mean, like choking on an insect that flew into his mouth? Like walking into an open manhole? Yes, precisely. The Colonel encourages Mary to pursue a career in public service. He informs her she has until the end of the week to get a job. Yes, sir.