7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: D+ | Grade It Now!

In the kitchen, SuperMom is talking to someone on the phone when RevCam walks in. He lurks over her shoulder, demanding to know who she's talking to. While that's pretty rude, Annie is no slouch in the lack-of-manners department herself; she's whining into the phone about how much her life sucks since she tied herself down with a family at such a young age. Keep in mind, her husband is standing right next to her. RevCam sees no reason not to talk to Annie while she's on the phone, so he starts spewing some passive-aggressive drivel about not realizing how unhappy she was. I know none of the Camdens are really up on phone etiquette, but I had no idea they were that bad at it. Her nerves obviously stretched to the limit, Annie hangs up the phone and explains to RevCam that she's trying to talk Mary out of marrying slack-jawed Billy Campbell-wannabe Wilson. That's certainly a noble task, though the CamRents don't dwell on the subject. Even the remote possibility that Slack-Jaw could be marrying into their family must be too depressing to contemplate. Not that Annie's next conversational gambit -- claiming that Simon has a bad attitude and is "practically drunk on testosterone" -- does anything to settle my stomach. RevCam notes that Annie seems "different," and he tries to get her to talk about it. Bad move, Eric. That paves the way for Annie to launch into psycho mode and shriek out some convoluted speech about…something or other. She ends it with this gem: "I am who I am, and that's who I am." Because he is a total idiot, RevCam cheerfully sings a bar of the "Popeye" theme song. I really wish he hadn't done that. Annie storms off, sobbing. I can't blame her. Short of violence, that's really the only possible reaction here. RevCam leaves the twins alone in the kitchen and runs after Annie to apologize. He insists his singing was a "joke," rather than a complete and utter break with reality. Annie storms off again, and Eric rushes back into the kitchen. He's been gone a total of fifteen seconds. Trust me, I checked. In that span of time, we're supposed to believe that the twins got down from their chairs, opened a bag of chips, spilled it on the floor, and stomped the chips to bits. Did I drift off during the episode where we learn that the twins are bionic?

Over at Wilson's swanky Buffalo townhouse, Mary is preparing salad with Slack-Jaw's annoying son. Unfortunately, Slack-Jaw comes home. He starts making out with Mary and telling her he loves her. I wonder if his son is traumatized for life by having to witness that. I know I sure am.

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7th Heaven




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