7th Heaven
Charity Begins At Home

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A Muslim In Need Is A Friend Indeed

Annie dozes off while waiting for someone to answer the phone at the CamPound. Asslee's horrible squeaky voice wakes Annie and her hagface right up. Annie asks Asslee why she's answering the phone. "Because it's right next to your bed, Annie. Which I was just sleeping in. Because I'm totally doing your husband," Asslee does not say. Annie asks to speak to SamVid. Asslee says that they're upstairs "taking their nap" (i.e. recharging). "Wake them!" Annie snarls. Asslee says she would, but then they'll be cranky or whatever. This sets Annie off: "Yeah, and I wouldn't be asking you to wake up my children, but I haven't been able to talk to my children all the other times I've called because every time I call you've got my children at the Promenade, or the zoo, or the park, or the movies!" Asslee's like, "Uh…sorry?" Annie continues, "You know" -- and as all TWoP forum-users know, beginning a sentence with "you know" means that something condescending and mean is almost sure to follow -- "I don't need anyone to fill in for me…and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you've been spending waaaay too much time with our family and waaaay too much time with Sam and David! It's not good for them, and it's not good for you, you know" -- that's two -- "-- you're not their mother, I am! You know" -- three -- "I think it would be better for everyone if you spent less time at our house and less time with Sam and David." Ashley Simpson tries to act hurt and tells Annie that she'll get Sam and David on the phone posthaste, and get Mrs. Poole stay with them until "someone from [Annie's] family comes home." Is anyone even left? I mean, I guess there's Ruthie, but she doesn't really count since, technically, she's not a biological Camden. Asslee then puts the phone down without pushing the hang-up button, which means Annie was probably still on the line when Asslee screamed about what an insane bitch she is (off-camera, after the scene ended). Annie has the nerve to roll her eyes and sigh angrily. By the way, that was the best scene ever.

Some guy gets the mail from his apartment mailbox and walks upstairs, only to see Ruthie sitting outside his door. He kindly asks her if he can help her instead doing what I would have done, which is calling the police. Ruthie says she's waiting for her "friend," Jill. The guy says that Jill helps her mother every day after school, then they have dinner, so she won't be home for a while. The guy says that he didn't know that Jill had any friends. Ruthie clarifies that she and Jill are only friends in Ruthie's mind, but she's stalking Jill -- I mean, "waiting outside her apartment" -- in the hopes that it can happen in reality. The guy says that he's not sure if that will happen, as Jill doesn't like kids because her former classmates used to tease her. Ruthie asks why, but the guy won't tell her. "You're Jill's father," Ruthie says. Well, duh. The guy tells Ruthie to call him "Mo," and says that he'll let Jill know that she was there. I hope he adequately prepares Jill for the horror that this information will no doubt instill in her.

RevCam strolls into his office, where he sees Lucy, Chandler, Peter, and Asslee waiting for him. You'd think he would be a little bit alarmed to see Asslee there when she was supposed to be watching his children, but he doesn't say anything about it. The Lame Four ask RevCam for help. RevCam asks who's first. Everyone looks around, and The Guitar of The Beginning of Another Scene That Will Happen Entirely Off-Camera plays.

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7th Heaven

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