7th Heaven

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Cate: C | Grade It Now!

Inexplicably, Mary has followed Dopey's instructions to report to his room for a totally inappropriate dress-down. He berates her until she starts to cry. Then he switches from Bad Cop to Good Cop and comforts her with, "It's okay, it's okay." But on the off chance that she might get too complacent, he switches right back into Bad Cop mode again: "But a word of warning: from now on, I'll be watching you like a hawk." That must be of great comfort to her.

Outside Matt's door, RevCam has been eavesdropping. He's busted when SuperMom walks by and informs him, "That's not very nice." RevCam has no shame, though, and he just says he'll join Annie as soon as he says goodnight to Lucy. Will this be his chance to implement his super-special confirmation class plan? You betcha. Apparently, his plan consists of saying good night to Lucy and then saying good night to the pile of pillows that Mary had stuffed into her own bed to resemble a sleeping teenager before she left for the frat party earlier. Lucy makes a sad attempt at the horrible "art" of ventriloquism by trying to imitate Mary's voice saying good night from the aforementioned pile of pillows. Just at that moment, Mary leaves Dopey's room and walks past RevCam, saying good night for real. This prompts Lucy to guiltily pipe up that she will see RevCam at confirmation class on Sunday. Aw -- and another recalcitrant teen is subdued through an appallingly unlikely sequence of coincidences. So, really, I want to know -- was that RevCam's big plan? If it worked, then I might as well move forward with my plan to achieve world domination by sleeping in till noon every day and making sure to catch as many Law & Order reruns as A&E sees fit to show. It's about as logical as anything The Good RevCam has ever come up with.

After an establishing shot of the sacred CamChurch -- complete with a background chorus of very perky, overly chirpy birds -- we get to hear hunky Tom's special sermon. He starts out with, "We're constantly caught in the process of having to make decisions, some easier than others." Tom takes special pride in humiliating every single person in the church. He begins with Mary, asking, "Should I go to a party, even if my parents wouldn't want me to?" Mary hangs her head in shame. Tom continues, "Should I rat on my brother or sister when I know what they're doing could put them in danger?" Oh Lucy, are you feeling the pain? I sure am, so I'm going to gloss through the rest of this. Suffice it to say that Tom manages to probe the sore spots of everyone present, except the CamRents and Dopey, who are much holier than thou, or than anyone else, for that matter. In any case, the only people present in the church are the Camdens and that annoying Judy Callaway -- the one with the dead "rock star" ex-husband. That's because RevCam has apparently given Tom the chance to spew self-righteousness in some sort of "dress rehearsal" sermon in his church on Saturday. That was nice of Eric, but mercifully, the whole fiasco is cut short when The Good RevCam reminds everyone that they have to drive Tom to the airport. Because Judy is lame, she is moved enough by Tom's speech to stay behind in church, saying it "feels good" to be there. Maybe she means that it feels good knowing the Camdens are leaving for the airport. I really thought the CamRents would try to hook her up with Tom, but it appears Tom has enough company already, what with his box of contraband ferrets that will be seized when he tries to step on a plane. In a sadly misguided attempt at humour, the writers have Simon ask, "Since we came to church today, do we still have to come back tomorrow?" RevCam tries to pretend-scare his family by telling them he wants to bring them to church every Saturday. Inexplicably, everyone is amused by this joking. What's much more comical to me, though, is that the scene ends with a shot of the ferrets skittering through the church. Now, since there's no way Tom could have not noticed that his ferret box was empty, I prefer to think he played a prank on RevCam by deliberately letting the ferrets loose. Now, that was funny, Tom. As Mary's frat-boy date would say, "Niiice!"

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7th Heaven




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