For our Opening Credits Timewaster, Matt mops the hospital cafeteria floor. One problem: the cafeteria is bustling with people, and he isn't using a "Caution Wet Floor" sign. The saddest thing is that, by the end of this episode, Matt will have done at least ten things stupider than this. Here's one right now: Dopey bumps into a lady holding a coffee, and it splashes on the floor. Despite the fact that she's probably in a great deal of pain from having boiling hot liquid splashed all over her hand, the woman does not yell at Dopey, nor does she demand that he pay for a new coffee. But Matt's still all pissed off anyway, because now he has to do his job and mop up the spill. Because it would be so much better if someone else had to mop up the mess you caused, right, Matt? I forgot how much Matt sucks in the fourth season. John runs up, looking much happier than he should when you consider the fact that he's wearing a vest over a Hanes white t-shirt, and thanks Matt for getting him an interview at the hospital: he's been offered a job managing the hospital's sound system. "From the cafeteria to the OR!" he says. Yeah, awesome job, John! You get to choose from tens of muzak selections, all of which totally suck. Dopey pretends to be happy for John until his boss comes in and orders Matt to clean up a "Jell-O spill." "Duty sucks," Matt whines, handing his mop to John.
Mary and Lucy use their shared brain cell to figure out furniture placement in their new attic room. When they're done, the bed is smack in the middle of the room, which is probably the worst place they could have put it except for precariously balanced on the windowsill. Although in my opinion, that would be the best place, because the end result would be one of the girls plummeting to her death in her sleep. I hope it's Lucy, both because I know how awful she gets in later seasons and because she's wearing gigantic curlers in her hair right now. Hold your horses, Lucy: your transformation to '50s housewife won't be complete until Season Seven. Mary says there's only one problem with the new room: she has to share it with Lucy. More importantly, it's far away from the bathroom. But Mary has a solution. "I'm not stupid," she insists, then immediately contradicts her assertion by telling us that her plan is to "drill" a hole in the floor above the bathroom and install a fireman's pole. They're going to need a pretty big drill bit to make a hole to fit not only the pole, but also the people sliding down it. I'm sure Home Depot sells five-foot-diameter bits, though. Lucy has a better plan: they'll build a bathroom in the attic. Mary thinks that plan is great. "Me brains, you brawn," Lucy says. More like "you brawn, me have nothing valuable to offer." Mary tells Lucy to use her alleged brains to convince the CamRents to let them build their own bathroom.