Cecilia's house. Her parents sit, facing her and Simon. They all sputter at each other for a bit, then finally it's revealed: Cecilia's parents were NEVER MARRIED! Gasp, rutabaga rutabaga, well I NEVAH! They "were meaning to" but Cecilia "came early," and they "ARE married," since they've been living together for twenty years. So, why the church wedding now? They "want to." So, Cecilia's a bastard? Aww, she's illegitimate. Aww. Cecilia's mom says she felt a "embarrassed" and "a little ashamed" for "lying to everyone for all these years." And now, they "want to" get married. They're "madly in love" with each other, have a license, and Simon says he'd "be honored to have [his] dad marry [them]." Simon? Shut up.
Roxanne knocks on Mrs. Bink's guest house door. She's got one rose in her hand. Chandler says there were "supposed to be many more flowers involved" with the apology bouquet he sent her. She just came over with the one rose to apologize to him, in person. And she doesn't want to fuck his brains out anymore. Now, she wants to wait. Until they get married. Then she goes, God, I KNEW I shouldn't have become friends with Lucy! Riiight, the married sex thing. Chandler heads down to the church, but his parting shot is that she could get to be friends with Mrs. Bink to "get a second opinion on sex and marriage." Oh, gross. He leaves, and Roxanne picks up the phone to call Lucy. Lucy answers, and Roxanne says, "You are my best friend forever." Lucy is all, "Roxanne?" Oh, boy. Roxanne says that Lucy "was right, and by telling Chandler that she wants to wait, now she feels he "can hardly wait. Worked like a charm!" Barf. Lucy asks if Roxanne is really going to wait, since she's such a ho and all. Roxanne says yes, but since she's so used to perusing guys, she's "never really given [herself] the chance to be perused." Lucy says, "I think you're gonna like it!" They hang up. I throw up. Ruthie, Annie, and then Eric walk in to join Lucy in the kitchen. What's going on? Eric can't say. They all hug each other.
Mayim explains herself to Chandler and Mark. Apparently, every bride keeps the ring when the engagement goes kaput. Except for the one guy that gave her his house. What was she supposed to do with a pig farm? And that guy that gave her his boat. What, she was supposed to take the pigs fishing? And the ring she only got three or four grand for! Silver can really look like platinum. Chandler asks if Mark still wants to go to Vegas. He says no.