Lucy and Kevin are in bed. They are not, thank god, having married sex. She rolls over and says she loves being married to him. He says the same thing back, then kiss, and then she asks if he can run a background check on someone to see if they've been arrested before. Ruthie asked her to ask Kevin. Kevin says juvenile records are sealed, so it's not that easy. Lucy says it's not a juvenile, it's Dick. Duh. Kevin says that she should mention it to her dad, or that Peter should mention it to her dad. Wow, can Kevin ever not suck? He's always such an ass. Just last week Peter was truant from school and pummeled him, and now he's all trying to pass the buck. Lucy finally plays her trump card, a.k.a. "pleeeeeease," and Kevin agrees to run the background check on this guy he barely knows. Well, it's not like he ever has a real crime to work on.
CamPound Kitchen. Oh no. The twins. They say, "Good morning!" Ruthie walks in and says, "Is it?" SamVid says, "I think sooo...meee tooo!" Oh, it's creepy. Annie sends the twins off to make their beds. They ask, "With clean sheets, or with dirty sheets?" Oh, god. Annie says, "Dirty," then corrects herself, because they "just put the sheets on yesterday." Oh, someone kill me. Ruthie tells her mom that she gets "a horrible feeling in her stomach whenever [she] talks to Peter." Maybe you looove him? Oh no, she's "afraid for him." And she feels that Eric is "not listening." Maybe Kevin can "arrest him and put him in jail!" Annie tells Ruthie that "everything will be fine," and to trust her dad, because he's "good at what he does." She can't calm Ruthie down at all. "He WAS good at what he does. He WAS. But this is now!" Sing it, Ruthie. The sad guitar plucks away.
Paris is making pancakes. Peter walks in and asks if it's a holiday, or if she's trying to get him to like her new fiancé. She says, "The second." Wow, she made a whole pile of pancakes. How can you just walk into room piled full of pancakes like that and pick a fight? I mean, it's pancakes. He's acting surprised. Does Peter have no sense of smell? Anyway, Paris says she's staying home from work today, and Peter sullenly asks if she's picking out wedding dresses. Paris says no, and that Dick wants to take care of them, and what's wrong with that? Peter says, "We can take care of us." Sha la la laaa. Then, in walks Dick, with two kinds of syrup! Okay, I like Dick. There, I said it. Peter tries to walk out on the pancakes, saying that he and Ruthie were going to walk to school early to use the computer in the library. Dick says he has a computer "all hooked up to the internet!" Wow, Dick has a computer? Dick uses the internet? Dick is so 1999. Surf, Dick, surf. Peter huffs and sighs and grumbles and groans and you get the idea.