7th Heaven
Dick

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: F | 2 USERS: F
YOU GRADE IT
Dick sucks!

Eric's Office. The phone rings. Chandler gets it, and it's a booty call from Roxanne. She's all, what are you wearing? I'm in uniform, baby. This is a code H-O-T-A-S-S, and I'm zeroing in on your location. Sorry, again, get thee to the fanfic section on the boards if you're into this sort of thing. Chandler says he's "about to disappoint" some couples by saying he's going to marry them, instead of the Rev. Roxanne feels the need to inflate Chandler's ego for some reason, and tells him that maybe the couples secretly wanted him to marry them and "didn't want to go around" Eric. Chandler growls, "I doubt it." He really growls it; he sounds like he's using one of those cancer kazoo things. Then Roxanne says, "Call me back and tell me all about it," and Chandler says, "I'll call you back and tell you all about it." The hell? I should be thankful that there was no split screen in that boring phone conversation, but they lost me with that fucked-up goodbye.

A couple walk into the office and introduce themselves. Holy shit, it's Mayim Bialik! I thought she was a scientist now, and taught voice or led a choir or something? She's acting again? And now she's appearing on THIS SHOW? Okay: who's got the dirt on Mayim "Blossom-ed Into A Woman And 'Quit The Business,' If You Believe That For A Second" Bialik? In what closet did she stash the body? Someone write and tell me, please. For those of you just reading along at home, Mayim looks EXACTLY the same as she did when she was a child actress. Same huge...smile. Same giant...personality. Gotta love that schnozz. She's wearing a denim jacket and a hat with a giant flower on it. Just kidding about the hat. OR AM I?

Anyway, Mayim and her husband, Mark, come in and ask where Eric is. Um, not here. And Chandler will be leading the counseling sessions. And, um, marrying them too. Of course, they are overjoyed. They wanted to ask for Chandler, but didn't want to offend Eric! Just like Roxanne said! And the last time they did this, Eric made them get in a fight and Mark's mother got involved! And they "still haven't resolved their differences" but they "want to get married!" Oy, with the giant smiles. I have a headache.

CamPound. Eric walks in with "that milk" for Annie, and she goes OFF on him for eating a powdered donut, the evidence of which is all over his face. I love how she doesn't assume he went on a cocaine binge. I mean, whoever does that anymore? It's all donut this and Michelob Ultra that at every party I attend. Eric says it's "been so long" since he had a donut, and he had a stressful day. Ruthie walks in and says, "Please tell me part of your stressful day was telling Dick and Peter's mom you're not marrying them?" Then she says it again. Then she says it a third time. Wow, is this Groundhog Day? I thought this recap was going fast. Oh no, she's just being extra-annoying. Peter still doesn't like Dick, she says. Eric says Dick and Paris's counseling sessions are confidential, and that he can't discuss it with Ruthie or Annie. Annie sends him off to wash his face.

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7th Heaven

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