7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: F | 2 USERS: F
Dick sucks!

CamPound. Simon's on the phone with Cecilia. There is no stupid split screen. He asks why she didn't want her parents to be married by his dad; then her creepy-looking mom walks in and she gets off the phone in a hurry. Creepy Mom asks why Cecilia didn't want Eric to marry them. Oh my god, this show is like a fucking echo chamber tonight. Cecilia says that now she's perfectly okay about Eric re-marrying her parents, even though she doesn't know why they'd want to do it. Creepy Mom asks what's bothering Cecilia. Then, the scene ends. The hell?

Roxanne waits in a chair, wearing sweatpants. I'd venture to guess she's at the Camdens' guest house, but didn't Chandler say he was moving to Mrs. Bink's guest house just last week? I guess we'll see, if a creepy Camden or a strange little dog wanders into the scene. Chandler walks up and is surprised to see Roxanne, since she didn't say she was coming. He went down to the pool hall for a burger and "saw a couple of guys from the church." Oh, for god's sack. "A couple of guys from the church"? As if. He and Roxanne suck face for a bit, and I throw up a little bit in my mouth. It tastes like Cadbury Creme Eggs. Roxanne says that Chandler's brother called to tell her about Chandler's dad. Okay, Chandler's brother is with his dad, but not Chandler, the reverend? What is Chandler's brother, a saint? Is his name Jesus "Mother Teresa" Chandler? What is the deal? I remember how Roxanne's dad indirectly threatened Chandler with a gun, but what did Chandler's dad ever do? Is his dad Charlie Manson Hampton? ["His dad basically disowned him for wanting to become a minister. His dad also drove his brother to addiction, but now that Sid's recovered, he's able to forgive his...you know what? Forget it. It makes no sense. I hate this goddamn show." -- Sars] Roxanne says Chandler's dad is "going to be [her] father-in-law," and she wants to meet him before he dies. Chandler says that "now that [Roxanne] her gotten [her] way and [they're] arguing about this," he's going to say goodnight "before [he] get[s] angry, so GOODNIGHT." Dude! So not reverend-ly!

Lucy and Kevin are in bed. They are not, thank god, having married sex. She rolls over and says she loves being married to him. He says the same thing back, then kiss, and then she asks if he can run a background check on someone to see if they've been arrested before. Ruthie asked her to ask Kevin. Kevin says juvenile records are sealed, so it's not that easy. Lucy says it's not a juvenile, it's Dick. Duh. Kevin says that she should mention it to her dad, or that Peter should mention it to her dad. Wow, can Kevin ever not suck? He's always such an ass. Just last week Peter was truant from school and pummeled him, and now he's all trying to pass the buck. Lucy finally plays her trump card, a.k.a. "pleeeeeease," and Kevin agrees to run the background check on this guy he barely knows. Well, it's not like he ever has a real crime to work on.

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7th Heaven




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