7th Heaven
Dirty Laundry

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Dirty Laundry

This week: Lucy and Ruthie try to get in with the In Crowd; Dopey and Chickenhead discuss their loathsome relationship; and despite what the promos would have you believe, none of the Camdens helps anyone much at all. Not that I'm busting on the promo producers. I'm sure they must have difficulties staying awake while watching the show too.

I'm sad to report that RevCam doesn't give his usual little welcome before the episode begins. He's in his office, actually. It looks like he just needed a break from his family, or else he's busy surfing some porn on his laptop, because SuperMom has to phone and practically drag him away from the office to take a walk with her. As he gets up to leave, he notices that someone has slipped an envelope under his door. He's about to open it when he hears the phone ring again. He leaves without answering it.

Okay, some producer must have been checking out MBTV lately and been embarrassed by 7th Heaven's poor showing in the special-effects Remote Poll, because it looks like they threw another twenty bucks into the effects budget. Ruthie's on a three-way phone call with two of her little troll friends, and we get to see all three of them at once through the wonder of split-screen wizardry. It's very Brady. Troll One says that if Ruthie wants to be their friend, she has to get three-way calling. Huh? Honestly, I refuse to believe that kids these days are that cretinous. She goes on to state the second condition of the friendship, which is that Ruthie has to help them get rid of someone named Sarah, who "can't be following [them] around because she's a total geek loser." Troll Two adds, "Yeah, we can't be seen with losers, or other people are gonna think that we're losers too." Well, if that's the case, are you sure you've got the right Ruthie on the line? Ruthie hesitates, perhaps wondering, as am I, if "getting rid" of someone means dismembering her and hiding her body parts in various dumpsters around town. She eventually agrees to it, though.

Simon puts down the copy of The Outsiders that he's just finished reading. He stares glumly into space until Ruthie comes along and asks him if he's going to cry. He claims he's "reflecting" because he just read a "terrible book" for school. Ruthie asks why reading terrible books is required: "Did they run out of all the good books by the eighth grade?" I'm busy wiping tears of mirth, not self-pity, from my eyes while Simon explains that The Outsiders is not terrible, just "terribly sad." Then he gives away the ending to the book and makes a halfhearted attempt to explain it to Ruthie. Eventually he gives up and says that he has to start writing his essay. Ruthie's a mini-Matt in the making, because she says all sternly, "Well, then I guess you should get to your paper," as if it were actually any of her business.

Speaking of Dopey, he and Chickenhead walk into the house carrying piles of laundry. Chickenhead's saying she feels uncomfortable bringing their laundry to the Compound, but SuperMom is very gracious about it all, as she walks off saying, "Mi washer/dryer es su washer/dryer." Shana is still frantic, though, which gives me this unfortunate mental image of her running around like a chicken with its head -- well, you get the picture. She says she still doesn't feel right about the laundry and that she'd thought she and Matt would be getting together to talk tonight. Dopey depletes his limited stock of charm as he closes in on her while saying, "We're here together, talkin' and washin' and dryin'." It's a very strange little speech that makes for a total Teen Beat moment. While Mary and Lucy skulk around the stairway, eavesdropping, Chickenhead cuts off Dopey to say that he won't be able to talk her into it. No one specifies exactly what "it" is, and I don't care enough to speculate. Mary and Lucy do, though. Dopey flirtatiously asks Chickenhead, "Wanna do a load of whites together?" Hmm, I've never heard it called that before. Chickenhead responds, "I don't want to do anything that intimate right now," and Mary and Lucy stand gaping on the stairs, where Mary mouths the word "intimate." Dopey must be some kind of idiot savant whose only talent is seeing through walls, because he busts Mary and Lucy for eavesdropping, saying, "Anything you were snooping around to hear is none of your business." Don't you just love how he's such a major hypocrite when it comes to others interfering in his business?

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7th Heaven

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