7th Heaven
Don't Speak Ill Of The Dead Or Of The Living

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Roxanne and Det. Michaels walk along the Promenade. Hmmm…they seem awfully close…ARE THEY DATING???? Det. Michaels thanks Roxanne for inviting him out to play pool with the other officers. Roxanne says she wouldn't have told anyone about his brother; he says he knows. He wanted to tell people about him for a long time, and he's glad that Roxanne gave him an excuse to do so. Roxanne asks about his promotion. He says that she's the first to know and she's free to tell everyone: he is now Captain Michaels! They walk into the pool hall, only to find a big ol' party waiting for him, with Kevin, Lucy, and Chandler (why?) front and center. Everyone sings "For He's Jolly Good Fellow" and congratulates him on his promotion. Cpt. Michaels tears up and smiles. Aw, that was kind of sweet. I am genuinely happy for Cpt. Michaels. I just wish we knew his first name.

Mac and Pam's pre-date has gone well, and Pam thanks him for "everything." Mac rightly says that he's the one who should be grateful to her, because he made fun of her for ten years and she still gave him a chance. Mac says that tomorrow night, for their first date, they should have dinner at a truly romantic spot -- that's right, the Camden dinner table. "It's a free meal," says Mac, ever the charmer. Asslee and Martin walk up and Asslee lectures that Mac "can't just eat over there anytime (he) want(s)." "Yeah, I can," Mac says. Martin says that Annie invited him. Asslee tries to save face by saying that she'll let Annie know that Pam will be joining them. I'm sure Annie will be thrilled to have to cook dinner for yet another extra person, especially the night before she's leaving for a trip to see her ailing father. No, really. She probably will be.

Peter and Ruthie recite their boring, traditional essays about the lives of Lincoln and Washington. Peter conveniently does not mention that, before he won the presidential election, Lincoln's senatorial bids were totally unsuccessful. Because that would be accurate. I mean, "morally wrong." The camera pulls out to reveal that Ruthie and Peter have brought along some props -- namely, Kevin dressed as Lincoln, Lucy dressed as crazy old Mary Todd Lincoln, Annie as Martha Washington, and, as Washington, RevCam, sporting a wig with a receding hairline that then shows his actual receding hairline. Maybe he thought it would work like a double negative and make his hair look fuller or something. Ruthie and Peter offer everyone a piece of cherry pie, and the students whoop and clap like they're SamVid and haven't been fed in two months. The Fife and Drum of Patriotic Bullshit play as Teacher gives Ruthie and Peter two thumbs up. She doesn't ask them how they managed to assemble four complete costumes and have three cherry pies made in only one day, or how Kevin and RevCam got time off of work and Lucy away from her classes, but that's probably for the best.

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7th Heaven




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