7th Heaven
Don't Speak Ill Of The Dead Or Of The Living

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Illin'

Annie is pretending to pay attention to SamVid when RevCam enters the room. SamVid say something I don't care about in dual out-of-focus shots. I guess someone messed up and put Annie's Special Vaseline-Coated Lens on the camera instead of the regular lens. RevCam calls Annie out into the hallway. On her way out, Annie kisses Happy and Sam, but not Vid. God, she's such a bad mother.

In the hall, RevCam shows Annie Ruthie and Peter's newspaper, the "Petrowski Camden Times." It includes such headlines as "Washington and Lincoln: the Original Warmongers," "Lincoln's Hemp Pipe," and "Delaware Soldiers Complain: Washington Drank All Our Rum." It's beautifully laid out, although it looks more like a newspaper than a tabloid. Annie skims over the paper and says, "What were they thinking?" Apparently they were thinking that the FCC would disapprove of using the word "marijuana" or one of its nicknames, so they replaced it with "hemp." Unless they mean that Lincoln is some kind of Woody Harrelson-esque advocate of the many uses of hemp.

Mac is trying to beat a hasty retreat from the CamPound, but Asslee's dad is quicker. He's standing behind the back door when Mac opens it. "Come, let's talk," he says, pursing his lips together. When stuff like that happens, I begin to realize why we never actually see Asslee's mother. Martin shakes hands with "Mr. Smith" -- way to create an original last name for your characters, there, Brenda -- and Mac introduces himself. "What are we going to do about this Pam?" Asslee's dad asks, and then puts forth a plan that he believes will appeal to Mac's "ath-a-letic" side. I always thought "athlete" had just two syllables, but Mr. Smith has shown me the light. The lee-ight. The lay-eee-igh-ate. Mac says he's up for any plan that doesn't involve "me going out with Pam," thus earning a grammar lesson from Asslee's dad, who says it should be phrased "my going out with Pam." Nice try, there, Mr. Smith, but I did notice earlier when you said "this must be your friend that Asslee's talked about," when you should have said "this must be your friend whom Asslee's talked about," and also, you should never end a sentence with a preposition, so, pot calling ket-et-till black.

Mac says that if he goes out with Pam, he'll "never survive the locker room." This takes on a whole new meaning when you're watching the show with someone who just started work at a gay and lesbian consumer products company and is currently browsing through their catalogue of porn offerings. Asslee's dad and his annoying voice lecture about how Pam survived being embarrassed for ten years, so Mac should have no problem dealing with the locker room. Then he starts telling Martin how he's his "favorite" of all of Asslee's ex-boyfriends, and practically wets his own pants when Martin calls him "sir." He asks Mac if he has class and moral integrity like Martin. Mac says he doesn't know. Mr. Smith says he thinks that Mac does know, and that he "can change a young woman's life." I wouldn't give Mac that much credit; he can't even brush his own hair.

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7th Heaven

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