In honor of this episode's theme, I toyed with the idea of writing the recap while drunk. I've heard it can help. Unfortunately, it was only ten in the morning when I started, and even I don't feel like drinking at ten. In this case, though, that was probably a grave mistake. The show begins, annoyingly enough, with Simon walking through a high school hallway with his friend Morris, the guy who used to tease people lamely until Simon made him stop. Everyone who walks by Morris wants to touch him or give him a funny handshake. It's very strange. Simon obviously thinks it's sexy, though, and he asks Morris for his popularity secret. Morris politely suggests that lots of people know who Simon is too. Of course, that doesn't exactly equal popularity. Lots of people knew who Stalin was also. And Simon has an inkling of what people really think of him: "People know me as some school do-gooder: Saint Simon, son of a minister." Not happy with that rep, he says he wants people to like him because he's "wild, crazy, fun." Well, uh, good luck with that, Simon.
Two of Morris's cool friends come up to give him their own funny handshakes. One of them mentions that his parents will be out of town this weekend, which means "party, everybody party. Oh, yeah!" He geekily half-sings this last part, lending serious doubts to his alleged coolness. Morris adds to this impression by excitedly hooting, "I'm so in, I'm already there, woo!" Honestly, these can't be the cool kids. In my high school, they would have had their heads submerged in a toilet at least daily. I'm not saying that's a good thing to do to anyone, but in this case, I sort of wish someone at the Glenoak high school would revive the practice. Simon optimistically says he will be at the party also. This revelation is met with blank stares from Morris's friends. Morris introduces them as Tom and Mike, adding, to them, "And you know Simon." They sure do. Tom says, "You're that minister's kid." Simon looks crestfallen. Hey, at least Tom didn't say something like, "You're the son of that creepy guy who gives bad advice and stalks everyone." Now, that would be hard to live down. Mike suggests that Simon won't feel comfortable at his party since "it's not gonna be a religious affair." Tom laughs as though this were a good joke, or even a halfway decent one. After some coaxing, Mike does say that Simon can attend his party. Simon's excitement at this prospect is too pathetic to behold. I'm assuming that's why Tom and Mike have to vacate the hallway.
After saying goodbye to Simon, Morris rushes after his friends and worriedly tells them, "Simon Camden is not ready for one of your parties." Tom says, "Yeah, that's why it would be fun to have him." He and Mike laugh cretinously and walk away. Morris stares anxiously after them and sighs deeply, as if he's facing incalculable doom.