Now that he's getting ready to leave, though, Ruthie seems to have assumed the mantle of bossy, lecturing sibling. She goes into Simon's room to lecture him, ironically enough, on not being a good enough role model to her and the twins. Um, hello? Doesn't Ruthie have two older female siblings too? Nope, no mention of Lucy and Mary. Ruthie even invokes Robbie's name, for crying out loud. I know Lucy and Mary aren't exactly great role models, but it's still pretty revolting to hear Ruthie imply that only big brothers can be looked up to. It's also pretty gross when she tells Simon to "start trying to fit in harder around here." Okay, Simon, you heard her. It's time to lace up your stalking boots. But wait, there's even more. Ruthie says, "Start becoming a man, the kind of man I can look up to." So are we straight, then? Is Simon supposed to aspire to becoming the kind of sexist jerk who is at least partially responsible for Ruthie thinking that she has to look up to men? I guess so. Let's all jot that down in our family values notebooks, shall we?
Mary worriedly asks if Lucy thinks the CamRents are going to punish them for helping Simon. Hey, news flash! Y'all are over eighteen now, okay? While you're still living off your parents, you certainly have some responsibility to please them, but if the CamRents are seriously going to punish their adult children for something like this, then the show is even more messed up than I thought. Lucy thanks Mary -- presumably for making her look like a dork in front of Jill and Barb. A heartwarming moment is shared by all as the sisters admit that they envy each other. Lucy tries to cheer up Half-Pint by telling her about some mistakes she's made. All these mistakes are men. Oh, well, it's not like Lucy does much with her life these days except chase guys. And you know the part where I said this scene was heartwarming? I lied.
The CamRents are discussing their parenting skills downstairs when Simon walks in to apologize some more. He also begs his parents not to send him to Buffalo. Hey, Buffalo's not that bad. There's a pretty spectacular art gallery there. And a Target. And at least it's not Glenoak. Simon admits that he had his suspicions about the punch, but he kept drinking it anyway. Why? "While I was drinking, everyone accepted me and liked me." Uh, Simon? Yeah, you do know that alcohol impairs your judgment, right? Evidently inspired by Ruthie's speech earlier, Simon takes responsibility for the entire drinking episode and asks his parents not to punish his siblings, or to think badly of Morris. Well, what do you know! I guess Simon's on his way to becoming a role model for all the silly females of the world to look up to. Because there's nothing more us women want, or need, than a man to look up to.