7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: B+ | 1 USERS: F

Lucy and Mary are walking up the driveway just as Matt is getting ready to leave. Evidently, Lucy knows the code word for stalking too, and she calls Dopey on it, saying, "You should leave Simon alone." Speaking of the little lush, here he comes, staggering up the driveway. He smiles at everyone and slurs, "Hiiii!" Dopey says, "No, I think you're drunk," which is pretty funny and far more daring than I would have expected from this show. Everyone panics when they see RevCam coming outside. Dopey shoves Simon into his car, and he and the girls smile up at RevCam. Eric is suspicious, but he doesn't push the issue, just asking Dopey to pick up some lame-o Rocky Road ice cream for the twins. He goes back inside, and we hear Simon puking repeatedly inside the DopeMobile. It's truly a golden moment in television history.

So where can they hide Simon? It has to be someplace no one ever goes. Ah, yes, the never-to-be-finished garage Treehouse. Dopey is, of course, playing a game of "I told you so" with Simon, who swears he didn't know there was any alcohol in the punch. When Simon asks what his siblings are going to do about the situation, Lucy says, "We're thinking, we're thinking." I think it's safe to assume she's not including Mary in this statement. Dopey suggests they bring Simon inside and tell the CamRents the whole story, but Lucy argues that they should cover for him. Dopey calls for a vote, but before he can get that underway, Ruthie shows up. Simon explains that he drank too much alcohol at a party, but that he didn't know it was alcohol. Ruthie says what I've been wondering all along: "How could you not know?" Mary is the only one who votes to turn Simon in, piously telling him, "You'll thank me for this one day." Simon says, "No, I won't," and laughs in her face. He and Lucy and Ruthie all vote for the cover-up. Dopey says, "I don't think we should you let you get away with this, but I also don't think we should turn you in, so I'm not voting." Very good, Dopey; that's exactly how you go about taking a stand! Not that it matters, since you're already outvoted anyway. Lucy suggests that they sneak Simon into the house, sober him up, sneak him back out of the house, and then have him come in again right before his curfew. Wow, sounds wacky. Okay, but here's a much better idea. Why don't you just bring the guy a bucket and some water and dispense with all that sneaking around bullshit? I guess people who don't have lives like to invent drama, though, so Dopey comes up with a convoluted plan that involves distracting the CamRents and synchronizing their watches.

Ruthie goes off to distract RevCam, while Dopey takes on SuperMom and the twins. He has a hard time answering her snoopy questions about where he's been, which makes her suspect something right off the bat. Still, he bravely soldiers on, trying to keep Annie from bringing the twins up for their bath by making up some story about excessive bathing being bad for toddlers. You'd think Annie would listen to him -- he is an orderly, after all -- but she's a little skeptical. She asks him if he wants to talk about the admissions letters he received. He's surprised that she already knows about them, but as Annie says, she knows "everything." Matt looks spooked for a moment, perhaps wondering how SuperMom found out that he has bizarre sexual fantasies about Hello Kitty and hair-care products. No time for that right now, though, since he has to talk Annie into letting him put the twins to bed, making her promise that she will wait for him in the CamKitchen.

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7th Heaven




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