7th Heaven
Family Secrets

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Family Secrets

The CamRents are in bed. Eric makes all sorts of excuses to go downstairs. I didn't know what the hell he was trying to do, but Annie figures out that he's waiting up for Mary. She suggests that he not make it so obvious, or Mary will think he doesn't trust her. We learn that Mary's curfew is 11:00, which seems pretty liberal for parents as smothering as the CamRents. I would have imagined something like 9:00.

RevCam starts to go downstairs when he runs into Lucy. He denies that he's checking up on Mary, and he changes the subject to say that her friend Jimmy seemed nice. Lucy launches into a stupid speech that Mary had told her earlier to use on the CamRents -- something about Jimmy just being a guy from her class who needed a homework assignment. RevCam tells her that he and Lucy are both bad liars. They apologize to each other for lying, and RevCam goes downstairs.

RevCam walks in on Dopey having a phone conversation with Grandma. Amazingly, he leaves without eavesdropping or butting in. He opens the front door to take Happy out for a walk. Sure enough, there's Mary swapping spit with Jeff on the porch. I hope she doesn't get pregnant. To his credit, RevCam, closes the door quickly and leaves them alone.

At church, Simon is indeed giving away lemonade. An older woman asks him why he is charging nothing for the lemonade. Simon replies, "I was gonna charge plenty so I could get my dad some new shoes, but he wouldn't let me." Of course the woman takes this at face value, and Simon does nothing to correct her impression when she slips him some cash and tells him to give it to his father. That was nice of her, though as she's walking away, she starts whispering to everyone, "Reverend needs new shoes." Heh.

RevCam steps up to the pulpit and looks down at the congregation. He sees the nurse from the hospital. She's holding a pair of shoes that must be the ones she had repaired for him. RevCam laughs nervously, and Annie makes an ugly, contorted face, which I think is supposed to demonstrate her jealousy. Okay, gross.

Outside, Simon shows Dopey a whole collection of paper money. I imagine it was donated by the kind people of the congregation, who were under the impression that RevCam couldn't afford shoes. Simon is naive enough to think RevCam will be thrilled with the money. Leaving Dopey alone outside, Simon goes into the church.

He's just in time to see RevCam introduce the newest member of the choir, Renee. She stands up to sing some repulsive, tuneless solo. Aw, the father of her child decided to come to church after all. But wait, there's more! Outside, Renee's father comes up to Dopey and tells him that it is his daughter singing. Dopey smiles and leads him inside to hear the rest of Renee's hideous assault on our eardrums. The episode ends with shots of various Camdens smiling beatifically, offering proof that their close-ups were shot somewhere other than the location where Renee was singing. I've often longed for a "mute" button on my VCR remote while recapping this show, but never more than today.

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7th Heaven

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