7th Heaven

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Father, Why Bother?

We open in Martin's room, where Mac is whining to Martin about how they both are in desperate need of girlfriends. Martin tells Mac to give the girlfriend thing a few weeks, since Pam(pers) just dumped him. But Mac doesn't want to wait, because the quicker he gets a rebound girlfriend, the more it will appear as if he dumped Pampers. Ruthie walks up to the closed door and listens in, as Camdens will. Martin runs down a list of available girls for Mac, but all are rejected for either having laughed in Mac's face when he asked them out previously, for being baseball team groupies, or for being freshmen. Martin says dating someone a few years younger isn't a big deal, which it totally is in high school. The corner of Ruthie's mouth turns up in what I believe is a "smile."

Hey! It's Ben! He looks as big, dumb, and hunky as ever, which is just fine by me. And he's eating a sandwich, no doubt courtesy of the Camdens (i.e. the church collection plate). Ben further endears himself to me when he starts making fun of Kevin for going with Lucy to her doctor's appointment. He loses points when he asks if he can go too, since he's the baby's uncle. He acts as if this were a good thing, when seeing as it puts him in the company of SamVid, it isn't. Kevin turns Ben down anyway, saying that Lucy would never agree to it. But then Lucy walks in and, when asked, tells Ben that he's free to sit in the waiting room during the appointment. Ben picks up his sandwich and leaves. Where is he going? Why not finish the sandwich while he's at the kitchen table? Being mobile with crumbly bread is just asking for an ant invasion.

RevCam and SamVid are playing themselves some Candyland. SamVid announce their collective intention to spend the entire day in their pajamas. RevCam says he will, too, because he has this Saturday off (Lucy's doctor schedules appointments on a Saturday? Lucky Lucy), and he's going to spend it with the twins. The twins judge RevCam to be "too old" for such behavior, then say that RevCam can't play with them anyway because he has to go to work. RevCam says, again, that he took the day off work to be with them. They express surprise that anyone would want to spend time with them, which is both sad and telling.

The doorbell rings, and RevCam turns around. The twins take this opportunity to move their pieces forward on the game board. But since they're stupid, they move them to the exact same square, and Vid's piece totally falls over, knocking over a deck of cards on its way down. Nice move there, Rico Suave. RevCam goes to get the door, telling the boys not to cheat while he's away. SamVid say they aren't cheating; they're just trying to finish the game before RevCam goes to work. RevCam says, for the third time, that he isn't going to work. Tedious, yes, but it'll be worth it if this is the episode where someone finally realizes that the twins have problems and gets them help. Or not, since RevCam chooses to answer the door instead of rush the twins to the nearest learning disability diagnosis center. Charlie's at the door (that's "Charlie," not to be confused with Grandpa Charles or Charles Miguel or Carlos), and he's really whiny. "I can't be a father. I can't," he says. Aww, RevCam and Charlie have something in common.

Here's an Opening Credits Timewaster we can all wish we hadn't seen: Ruthie applies makeup. For some reason, she has a signed picture of a woman on her white wicker vanity. Actually, it's more like: for some reason, Ruthie has a white wicker vanity. Yuck. I wouldn't even use wicker as lawn furniture. You know, if I had a lawn. Annie walks in, and Ruthie's still going to town on the makeup. She's even putting on blush, which makes perfect sense when combined with the vanity and the Lame Clear Phone. That attic room is stuck in 1987. Annie ridiculously crosses her hands over her heart and tells Ruthie that she looks great with her dark-ass eye shadow. Annie asks what prompted Ruthie to give herself a makeover. Ruthie says she just felt like it. Annie invites Ruthie out for a girls-only shopping trip, but Ruthie doesn't feel like shopping today. Annie pathetically begs her to go, but Ruthie won't budge. So Annie starts begging Ruthie to tell her if she's wearing the makeup for a guy, and which guy it is. Ruthie says she just wants to hang out with Martin and Mac. Annie asks which one of them Ruthie's interested in, but Ruthie denies being interested in anything but hanging out. Annie asks Ruthie what makes her think they would even invite her to hang out with them. Ruthie says, in the most stilted dialogue delivered in the most stilted manner possible, that Mac and Martin are single, so they don't have any dates planned tonight, and she thought they might want to have some pizza. Annie starts to sit down, but Ruthie tells her that there's no need for a sitting-down conversation; it's no big deal. Then the dialogue we just heard is more or less repeated. And then it's repeated again. Annie finally agrees to let Ruthie hang out with Martin and Mac, as long as she's being honest that she has no intention of dating Mac. "But," Annie warns, "if you're not being completely honest, go and think about it, and then we'll talk again." Oh, that's a great parenting technique, Annie. Because when you leave it up to a child to consider his actions or take any personal responsibility for them, he totally will (not).

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7th Heaven




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