Ruthie does a drive-by reveal of her latest dating news at Lucy and Kevin's room. Kevin asks Lucy if he should have "the talk" with Ruthie. Actually, he doesn't ask so much as tell. Insistently. Lucy laughs and asks what makes Kevin qualified to do this. Screw qualified; how is this even appropriate? Kevin says he's qualified because he almost got a girl pregnant in high school. Wouldn't this make him LESS qualified? And anyway, Kevin points out that the CamRents obviously suck at giving sex talks, what with Simon having pre-marital sex and all. Lucy tells Kevin to stop overreacting, and that no one needs to give a talk. Kevin says that whoever talks to Ruthie should hold "the baby," who has a name, even though it's stupid. I do have to agree with Kevin on one point, that being that the CamRents aren't very good at the sex talk, as well as being a perfect example of why waiting for marriage to have sex would be a bad idea. After a while, you'll be so eager to have sex that you'll marry anything that so much as grimaces in your direction. Kevin says that Savannah is never going to date. Ever. Savannah tries to fake her own death so she can escape to a better family.
Martin and Mac enter the Treehouse. Mac asks Martin for suggestions on good places to go this Friday night to find hot chicks. Martin says he's actually going to be busy chaperoning Ruthie's date on Friday. Mac says he wants to go too, because then he'll look like a "sensitive older brother type" that chicks dig. Martin says Mac accompanying them wouldn't be a good idea because Ruthie wouldn't be comfortable having Mac there, since she used to have a crush on him. Martin, I think your soldier daddy would be very ashamed of you for going back on your word to RevCam to never tell Mac about this. Mac asks if Ruthie still has a crush on him. Martin tells him not to think about it. Mac does his best Owen Wilson impression as he thinks about it.
Matt walks into Ruthie's room and reports that the CamPound is now out of Kleenex. Oh, ew. Then he volunteers to drive Ruthie on her date. Martin comes in from spying behind Ruthie's bedroom door and says he can drive. Then, RevCam comes out from behind the rack of clothing he was spying on Ruthie from behind and also volunteers his driving services. God, these Camdens! It's like they appear from thin air, like ninjas! The most boring ninjas on this earth, but ninjas all the same. Ruthie says she wants Matt to drive, because RevCam is a stalker and Martin has a "bad reputation" with the VinRents because of the Zoe thing. So I guess when the VinRents said all that crap about not being involved with their child's life whatsoever, they really meant that they're so involved that they even know about the rumors going around his school about people their son doesn't really even know. The winner of a Very Lame Friday Night, Matt pumps his fists in triumph.