7th Heaven
First Date

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Sara M: C+ | Grade It Now!
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There's A First Time For Everything

Annie and RevCam are in bed. Ruthie comes in and says good night. She says she had a "pretty good" time.

Ruthie enters her room and turns on her radio. Everyone flash back to Dawson's Creek as freaking Sixpence None the Richer come on with their smash hit from 1998, "Kiss Me." I think I was Ruthie's age when this song came out; I guess this show will use any semi-popular semi-Christian music it can gets its hands on. Expect to hear some hot tracks from Jars of Clay soon! Ruthie starts to remove her clothes as the music plays, then starts twirling around in slow motion. I think she might be stripping for us. Or for Your Pharmacist Irving, who is probably watching this from his vantage point of behind the Camden's garbage cans.

Downstairs, RevCam and Annie are listening to Ruthie's music. RevCam recognizes the song, since it's like fifty years old, and starts to sing along. I actually uttered an audible cry of disgust and pain when he did this. I made another one when he got to the part about the "milky twilight." RevCam thanks God for giving Ruthie a good time on her date. Except that I thought he didn't want Ruthie to have a good time. Or maybe he's just grateful because the better a time Ruthie has on her dates with men, the less likely he thinks she is to become an evil homosexual.

Back in the slow motion attic, Ruthie lies on her bed and thanks God for her date. God contacts his lawyers about the possibility of filing a libel suit against these people who keep accusing him of things he had nothing to do with. The Lame Clear Phone rings. Ruthie giggles as she answers it. One of her hands is on the phone receiver. The other is…uh…pretty close to down there. I guess that's what you have to do when your father has doomed you to be an eighty-year-old virgin.

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7th Heaven

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