Main Street, Anytown, a.k.a. the Promenade. Two ugly people, a guy and a girl, talk outside a movie theater. The girl says this guy is "unbelievable. He's gorgeous, and he's sexy." And he's clearly not present, because these are some of the ugliest people I've seen on television since The Facts of Life was on the air. Oh, right. One of them is a Camden. The girl says she really wants Ugly Guy to "meet Marc, since [they're] best friends, and [she] doesn't always make the best decisions when it comes to guys." Ug says, "So he's a football player, huh." They call it soccer here -- football there. He's French, and OOH, so hot. Ugly Guy is all, how would you describe me to him. She already did! Cute and sweet and smart. This isn't good enough for Uggo. It should be. A dark-haired handsome man comes up and says, "Cecilia." She jumps off the bench and they suck face. She introduces Marc to Simon, and Marc says, "Cecilia tells me you are a very nice boy." Simon doesn't like the sound of that at all.
We're still on Main Street. Promenading, I guess. Two unattractive girls come out of a bookstore -- Lucy and Ruthie. The uglier one, Lucy, is all, "What's wrong with a book?" Twelve-year-old boys don't like books, says Ruthie. Lucy says, "What ever happened to making birthday presents." Oh, I don't know, the Industrial Revolution? Sorry to bust your groove, Willa Cather. Why don't I go out and mulch a tree and make some paper to write you an apology note. Hold on, I have to go crush some berries to make ink. All right, Laura Ingalls? Even your Pa had a violin -- did he make that from scratch? Was his name Father Pa Ingalls Stradivarius Camden? Then shut up. Lucy sees two cops across the street and makes a big show about hiding from them so she can see "what they're really up to." Then she runs and drags Ruthie with her to hide behind a pole. The cops, Roxanne and Kevin, are standing in front of a jewelry store, and are completely aware of the scrambling antics of the girls behind them. Roxanne is all, oh, I'd never buy an engagement ring for myself. And diamonds are "too common." But that pearl ring over in the estate jewelry section is nice.
Ugly Lucy is all, "I can't believe he's letting Roxanne pick out my ring!" I can't believe what an ungrateful bitch you are. Ruthie says it looks like two on-duty cops are looking in a store window together. "If they were looking at ice cream, would you think they're buying ice cream for you?" Heh. Ugly Lucy is all, "You don't see the difference between diamonds and ice cream?" Ruthie says, "And you don't see the difference in that he loves you and works with her?" Oh, snap! I like this little ugly girl. ["I regret to inform you that you are fired." -- Sars] So they decide to hang around and spy on the cops until their shift ends or they get a birthday gift, whichever comes first.