7th Heaven
Gabrielle Come Blow Your Horn

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now!
Gabrielle Come Blow

Jewelry store. Kevin asks Roxanne what the two ugly girls are doing now. They're running across the street to spy some more. Won't they come in, he wonders? No, says Roxanne. Lucy is "not confrontational." And prone to misunderstandings. And wacky hijinks. Kind of like Scooby-Doo. Except that Scooby is cuter. Roxanne guesses Lucy'll hang around until their shift ends. Which, since there is no crime or actual police business on the promenade, will be funny. Or insane and paranoid. Kevin asks if Roxanne can try on the ring she liked, then turns to her and says, "Can you see why I'm crazy about her?" Roxanne's face wordlessly says "no." Mine too.

Simon skulks around the Promenade. He comes across Lucy and Ruthie squatting in front of the jewelry store and is all, WTF? Lucy is mad at Kevin because he's letting Roxanne pick out her ring. Roxanne is getting married? No. Lucy is making stupid assumptions and spying on her fiancé because she's ungrateful and nasty. Kevin has proposed? No. "He needs a ring to propose."

From across the street, Lou sees the kids squatting and points them out to the new, younger model of Reverend -- none of the Camden you hate, with all of the Lord you have to love. There's another Cam kid, who married a rabbi's daughter and lives in Florida, or something. Rev Lite is all, wow, five kids. No, actually, it's seven. There's the nightmare twins, and then someone's boyfriend lives with them, too. New Father is all, what's the mother like? Ohh. Lou has an opinion on this: "Everybody loooves Annie!" The way he says it, though? Makes it sound like he really means the opposite.

Cecilia and Frenchie come up on the scene. She introduces Lucy and Ruthie to Marc, who squats down on the sidewalk with them. As is the American custom. They all duck-walk away from the scene, with Old Guy and Rev Lite watching. Lou says the Camden kids are "basically great kids." Except they're all nuts. "Let's just say that being in the spotlight has isolated them in the spotlight." Rev Lite looks horrified, aghast, shocked, and that he's throwing up in his mouth a little. I know that look. I see it in the mirror.

Robbie unloads the washing machine, and SuperMom is all, "The others are supposed to be helping out, too." There are others? What, she has other husbands? Other random boyfriends living in the house? Does she mean her gaggle of offspring? They're all at the Promenade, fucking off -- don't emasculate this guy any more by interfering his witless random chores! SuperMom is all, isn't it time to date again? The only one he wants is Roxanne, and that's a problem for Lucy. SuperMom is all, GO FOR IT. Live in her parents' house. A little bell rings -- it's RevCam. There's a shot of the twins laboriously folding towels, and SuperMom points a finger at them and says, "You stay with Robbie," and is off to tend to her hubby. The twins don't even look up. Hey, are the twins human? Seriously, it's hard to tell. Are they zombies? Write to me at alexrichmond@televisionwithoutpity.com and tell me.

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7th Heaven




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