7th Heaven
Gabrielle Come Blow Your Horn

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now!
Gabrielle Come Blow

Camdens in the kitchen with Phyllis. Eating her spaghetti and loving it. Ruthie asks if Phyllis knows how to bake a cake. Phyllis says in no uncertain terms that she's "not going to bake a cake for your boyfriend!" Ruthie says he isn't her boyfriend. I'd hope so. It would suck to have a girlfriend like Ruthie. She has no money, can't bake a cake, and is fugs. Simon asks if Phyllis knows anything about French men. Phyllis gets this orgasmic look on her face like, ah, Frenchmen! Oh, mais oui! She knows about them way deep inside. When she snaps out of her reverie, she asks if Simon "likes French men?" No, but his girlfriend does. Phyllis wonders aloud if Cecilia has "ever had her nose licked by a big, nasty tongue." The CamKids say "EW" and push away their plates. Phyllis says she used to feel that way, too.

Annie calls her mother-in-law and says she didn't want help -- and not in the form of Phyllis. Her mom, whose hand is shaking terribly as she holds the phone (maybe try some more wine?), remembers Phyllis dearly. "Does she still smoke?" Sure, and Annie thinks she smelled alcohol on her breath. "Wine. She likes fine wine." She's clearly quite fond of Phyllis, and swears she'll "work her magic in twenty-four hours and be out of there." Dammit! I want more Phyllis Diller!

Roxanne and Robbie eat their spaghetti in the yard. She says transparently that she was thinking of going back to church, to gaze on Rev Lite. Robbie wonders "why [he] bothers" and that he is "such a loser." Word. No, he means because he "can't get a woman to fall in love with him." Have you tried men? Robbie says she's being cavalier because he told her he's been thinking about making out with her since the seventh grade. She says that isn't what he said -- he said he thought about her in the seventh grade. Robbie can't see the difference. Robbie is a dumb-ass. She explains that the former indicates he's been thinking about her for a long time, and the latter means he used to think about her in seventh grade. Does no one else think this sentiment is creepy? Anyway, he says she knows what her reasons for going to church are, and he doesn't like it. She smiles at him annoyingly.

Lucy and Kevin sit on the couch and eat their spaghetti. Hey, who's watching the twins? No one? Oh, all right. Kevin asks what kind of ring she wants. Who said she even wants a ring? I say she just wants to control Kevin, and a ring is just a stepping stone away from an actual ball and chain. She knows she doesn't want "a pearl that was on the finger of a dead woman." Kevin asks, again, round cut, square cut, what kind of ring. He whips out the magazine clipping she pocketed and dropped in the garage apartment. Is this the ring she wants? Maybe, she pretends. Can he afford it? He can. NOW Lucy is finally happy.

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7th Heaven




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