7th Heaven
Getting To Know You

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Annie's BlocKKK Party

We begin with an exterior shot of the absolutely huge Glenoak Police Station. Hey, you can afford to build big stations when you're getting bribery bucks from the local minister. Inside, Roxanne tells the inquiring Det. Michaels that she's "looking over a file," although not a file related to police work. Who tells their boss that they're spending paid work time not doing work? Not me -- I always try to make sure it looks like I'm doing productive work when my boss is around. I usually accomplish this by walking purposefully from one side of the room to the other, and then back again. Anyway, the file is on one "Jordan James," a kid from the troubled teen center. As part of her commitment from last episode, Roxanne will be mentoring him. She's nervous because she's never "been responsible for a kid before," as if mentoring was akin to adoption or something. Det. Michaels gives the file a three-second glance, then pronounces that Jordan "looks like trouble." Well, it's great to see an officer of the law so free of bias and partiality making informed decisions about the people he's supposed to be protecting. Roxanne rightfully points out that sometimes looks can be deceiving. Det. Michaels replies that sometimes they can be telling, too. I hate to admit that Det. Michaels's little generalizations-are-good statement has any truth to it, but the fact is that it does. For example, after just seeing the previews for tonight's 7th Heaven, I decided that the show was going to suck and irritate the holy hell out of me. And so far, I'm right.

In the church office (at least, I think it's the church office. As there was no exterior shot, I cannot be absolutely certain), RevCam simply can't believe that Chandler is doing work on a Friday night, a.k.a. "date night," which the Camdens no doubt consider to be more sacred than the Sabbath. Chandler growls that dating every female member of the church showed him that he's not ready to date. He says that "it didn't work." What didn't work? Oh, wait…I don't think I want to know. Chandler and RevCam continue to argue about relationships and dating and other stuff that men never talk about with each other in a confusing and roundabout manner.

Lucy enters the CamKitchen (again, I cannot be completely sure that this is the CamKitchen, as there was no establishing location shot, so I could be totally wrong here) and kisses her hubby on the cheek. He smirks his greetings. Kevin complains that he can't get anyone who isn't related to or a "close friend" of the family to attend tonight's first Neighborhood Watch meeting. So that's like, what, three people? Doesn't seem like a dearth of people worth canceling a meeting over, but whatever. Suddenly, the large mop in the back of the room begins to speak and suggests that Kevin make the meeting into a party. Oh, I'm sorry, that wasn't a mop -- that's Annie, with a hideous new hairstyle that makes the poodle-do look flattering and stylish in comparison. Yeah, it's that bad. She looks like a blonde Cousin It. Anyway, Kevin doesn't like the idea of lying to the neighbors about a having a party just to get them to come. Annie comes up with a second brilliant idea of how to attract meeting attendees: Kevin can tell people that if they attend, they'll automatically be invited to tomorrow's block party. What block party? Why, the one Annie just decided to throw, of course. You can do stuff like that when you have small children to take care of, a case of severe depression to get over, and a very tight budget to get around. She wants to get to know her neighbors again, as so many of them have moved out and been replaced in the last few years. I simply can't imagine why anyone with the Camdens for neighbors would want to move, can you?

Peter and Asslee walk into the room, hear about the party, and volunteer their family members to help out. How considerate of them. I'm sure Paris and Asslee's dad will be psyched to drop everything to help the Camdens because their crappy children said they would. Like the time I signed my mother up to chaperone a second-grade field trip. She was so thrilled that she called the school immediately and demanded her name be taken off the list, then took away my television privileges. Ruthie asks if she can invite her new friend Jill and her family, to give them a chance to meet their new neighbors, even though they've lived in the area for months now and obviously have no interest in meeting new people. All signs point to their loving this party idea. Annie says that sounds like such a great idea that they should just turn the block party into a Welcome to the Neighborhood, Jill's Family party. Kevin says that Annie's plan won't work because the meeting is supposed to start in an hour. Um, maybe you need to turn off your negativity subroutine, there, T-1000. Just because you have a job and a life and stuff doesn't mean you have to piss on poor Annie's only way to feel like worthwhile and contributing member of the community. Annie says it will work, then savagely rips Kevin's list of names and phone numbers out of his hands, probably giving him a few nasty paper cuts in the process. Good. Hey, why is Asslee there? SamVid isn't in sight, and Annie doesn't need her to help out anyway since she's apparently not having contract disputes that require her character to spend half the episode in "Arizona" for once.

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7th Heaven




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