7th Heaven
Go Ask Alice

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Sara M: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Missing: Alice, and Eleven Cast Members

As a fan of the TV movies A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story, and its less-popular and less-exciting sequel, Her Final Fury: Betty Broderick, the Last Chapter, you can bet I was excited as all hell for Stephen Collins and Meredith Baxter's first project together after the movies. In fact, I would say this is the most excited I've ever been for a 7th Heaven episode since the one where RevCam got shot.

The show opens with that much-used shot of students pouring out of Glenoak's high school. Inside, Meredith Baxter is telling RevCam that all of his older kids are done with high school, and it will be another year before Ruthie arrives (poor Meredith Baxter has no idea what horrors await her), so she doesn't understand why he's "involved in [her] business." RevCam eventually manages to stammer out that, while he's used to dealing with the "vice-principal" (also known as "Principal Russell" in every episode we've ever seen her in. Either she got demoted, or this show still hasn't mastered the art of consistency), his neighbors asked him to "intervene" on their behalf in a matter involving their daughter. His neighbors? Is it safe to assume, then, that they hate Muslims and French people? Anyway, the neighbors really, really want their older son to be allowed on school grounds while he waits to pick their daughter up from school. Meredith Baxter nods curtly, then says, "You'd like me to change the school policy to better suit their daughter?…I don't think so!" Wow, Meredith Baxter is kind of cool. She continues, "So, is there anybody else who's unhappy that you'd like to make happy? Perhaps I could help you bring about justice for some other student?" That settles it: she's awesome. RevCam just sits there with his mouth hanging open and his eyes tearing up, then manages to say, "Principal Jones, I don't mean any offense, but you've hardly allowed me speak --" Principal Jones interrupts: "I don't mean any offense, either, Reverend Camden, but -- I'm a very busy woman." The rule about non-students not being allowed to park in the school parking lot is a district-wide one that she isn't going to break, no matter how many times the Millers ask her to or send their annoying busybody neighbor to do same. RevCam lamely whines, "But…rules were made to be broken, are they not?" Principal Jones fires back in terms RevCam can understand: "What about the Ten Commandments? Are they meant to be broken? What about the Golden Rule?" Then she grabs a manila folder and excuses herself to go teach a class or whatever. RevCam remains seated and thinks about how he just got dominated. Then he tries to remember what the "Ten Commandments" are.

In the school hallway, Principal Jones feels up Martin's chest and mouths the word "rutabaga" until RevCam appears on the scene so the camera focus can, of course, switch to him. RevCam stares at Martin and Principal Jones, looking just a little bit jealous of the connection she's formed with him. He waits until she leaves, then rushes up to Martin, who begins to espouse the greatness that is Principal Jones: her refusal to deviate from the rules means that everyone is treated fairly, and Martin thinks that's great. "Bottom line," Martin says, "this is the highest-rated school academically in the whole district, and I don't feel like I'm going to get stabbed by another student every time I go around the corner." RevCam nods, probably thinking about the time when one of Simon's non-violent and academically-motivated classmates shot Eric in the shoulder, or the time another one of Simon's classmates brought a gun to school with the expressed intent of shooting everyone. The bell rings, and Martin excuses himself, but not before RevCam can invite him over for dinner. Suddenly, some girl walks up to RevCam and starts talking to him. Oh, that's sad. She must not have any other friends. She assumes that he's at the school because Martin and Principal Jones are "a little too close, if you know what [she] mean[s]." I don't, because I totally thought she was saying that they were gettin' it on, but she really meant that Martin is a spy sent by Principal Jones to get information on her enemies. RevCam thinks about this as the scene fades to credits.

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7th Heaven

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